


Someday We'll Know

by loubeelou



Series: Those Grey Girls [1]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Medical Inaccuracies, Multi, My First Fanfic, Sisters, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-20 11:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13716570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loubeelou/pseuds/loubeelou
Summary: A re-telling of the series with the addition of a younger sister for Meredith, a sister who may be a bit more bright-and-shiny and in turn makes Meredith just that little bit less dark-and-twisty (but not too much, it's still Meredith)What, if anything, will her presence change for Seattle Grace?





	1. A Hard Day's Night

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/26589034318/in/dateposted-public/)

**A Hard Day's Night**

 

“The Game. They say a person either has what it takes to play, or they don't. Our mother was … one of the greats. Me, on the other hand? I'm … kinda screwed.”

 

An amused voice replied from her phone, which was sat on her dresser on speaker while she tried to find an outfit that was first day appropriate. “Really, Mere? Self-doubt already? You haven't even started your first day yet! Speaking of, why aren't you here early? I thought you were going to grab breakfast with me before you started?” 

“I _may_ have gone to a bar last night, and I _may_ have brought a guy home, who _may_ have only just left ...”

“Standard Meredith Grey protocol to any stressful situation. Tequila and inappropriate sex.”

“Hey! Don't judge me – I still don't know how you got to be so well-adjusted. We have the same crappy parents!”

“True – but I had you to look out for me. And I'm not judging! No judgement from me, I promise. I just worry, that's all.”

“You don't have to worry about me, Caroline. I'm fine. I'll be fine.” she stated firmly, pulling on her shoes and grabbing her purse.

“Actual fine or Meredith fine? 'Cause you won't be either if you don't get your skinny butt to the hospital. You're going to be late. Which is not what you want to be on your first day!”

“That's what I said.” Meredith muttered to herself.

“Pardon?” 

“Nothing. See you in a bit, little sunshine.”

“Oh no, that nickname died in high school! No fair bringing it back!”

“Ha! That nickname never died – I just stopped saying it to your face.”

“Hmph.” Unintelligible muttering came from the phone and she heard the sounds of the busy hospital in the background. “Drive safe, big sister. And wear comfortable shoes! Trust me! See you soon!”

 

Smiling she hung up and hurried out the door. Her little sister always managed to make her smile, often without even trying. Ellis Grey was a great surgeon, no one would argue that, but she was a distant and hard to please mother. Meredith gave up trying to please her in high school and went through her angry-girl pink-hair phase, but as far as she could tell, Caroline never even tried. She just went her own way, oddly content and happy with her lot in life.

 

Caroline had always been … different. Not in a bad way, just warm and open in a way she was fairly sure hadn't come from either of their parents, and smart enough that she found it difficult to relate to her own age group. She was doted on by their grandparents (not that Meredith wasn't, but Care was the baby) and charmed nearly every adult in their lives until they were twisted around her little finger. 

 

Meredith had been offered the chance to skip a grade in middle school, but turned it down, wanting to stay with her class. Caroline skipped two, started college at 15 and finished in three years by taking summer classes before heading to Med. School. It was kind of weird, when she stopped to think about it. She was starting as an intern today at the same hospital where her mother completed her residency, the same hospital her younger sister was a third-year resident, and their godfather was the Chief of Surgery. 

 

She was sure they would make it work though, and it'd be great to see her sister every day again. Everything was going to be fine. 

Seriously.

* * *

“Each of you comes here today hopeful. Wanting in on the Game. A month ago you were in Med. School being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you.”

 

Caroline was leaning against the wall in the gallery with Bailey, watching as the wide-eyed group of interns was shown into an O.R. Meredith was at the back of the group, having just snuck in at the last minute. She shook her head at her.

“He gave that exact same speech on my first day. Word for word.”

“He just sticks to what works.” Bailey grinned at her. “So, which one's your sister?” 

“You see the skinny blonde at the back?” she pointed her out discreetly.

“Hmm. She's been assigned to me, you know? I won't go easier on her just because she's your sister.” she warned.

“I would never ask you to, and I know she wouldn't want you to. God, she'd hate that! I know she worries about special treatment because of our mother, she'd hate it even more if it was because of her little sister!”

Bailey looked at her, amused. “No giving my secrets away either. You were one of my first batch of interns and you survived it. She will too.”

Caroline looked at her fondly. “I'm a better doctor for it, you know. You're a good teacher.”

Her pager beeped and she bit her lip, looking back at the interns huddled around the operating table listening to the Chief once more.

Bailey took pity on her. “Go, you're obviously wanted. She'll be okay. Plus I need to get them fearing me early and I can't do that with you giving me the sad eyes. Scoot.” 

“I'm going, I'm going!” she laughed. “Later, Dr. B.”

* * *

Caroline was assigned to Ortho for the month so she saw very little of Meredith that first day, except a brief glimpse when she was dropping off labs and noticed Meredith in what looked like an uncomfortable conversation with the new Neuro surgeon, Shepherd. He'd only been at SGH a couple of weeks and pretty much the only thing she knew about him was he had a hero hairdo and that the nurses described him as 'arrogant, but friendly'. Something about him was familiar though and it was really bugging her.

Vaguely wondering if Meredith had managed to get herself in trouble with an attending on her first day she frowned as she saw him follow her into the stairwell. She started heading in that direction when she was paged again, the time to the ER. “What now?” she muttered, setting off at a brisk clip to the ambulance bay, meeting Dr. Fletcher and Dr. Torres at the double doors.

“Hey. What've we got?”

“Dr. Grey.” Fletcher nodded at her and Torres shot her a brief smile before focusing on the doors again.  
“Incoming trauma two minutes out, nine-year old male with confirmed fractures to the left femur and right tibia, left radius and also a potentially dislocated shoulder.”

“Poor kid, that's a heck of a bump.”

“Quite. We'll need you to do most of the … uh … talking when he and his mother get here, especially to get an accurate history.”

She looked up surprised at that. “No interns on your service today, Dr. Fletcher? You usually assign that to them.”

“Apparently they are both profoundly deaf and you and Wilson are the only doctors on today who can sign.” At her curious look he continued. “He's on hour three of an expected fourteen-hour surgery.”

“Ah.”

At that point the ambulance bay doors opened and two paramedics pushed in a gurney, closely followed by a hysterical woman who had to be the mother. 

“Joseph Darley, nine years old, syncopal episode following a fall from a tree in Judkins Park.” The first paramedic, Jill continued reeling off information, including the boy's vitals and that he'd passed out in the ambulance but he didn't appear to have a head injury. She eyed him briefly as Callie and Fletch took over, guiding them into a trauma bay to assess his injuries. 

The other paramedic with Jill introduced himself as Duncan and introduced her to the boy's mother, explaining that the little they knew was from her writing it down for them. While internally clucking her tongue at the lack of knowledge most people, even health care professionals, had of sign language and Deaf culture she put a reassuring look on her face and guided Mrs. Darley to a seating area with a hand on her arm, followed by a nurse, Debbie, with a clipboard.

Debbie indicated she'd take notes for her leaving her hands free. Signing fluidly, speaking out loud as she signed, she introduced herself and assured Mrs. Darley that Joseph was getting the very best of care, and explained that she needed to clarify some information with her so they could treat him. She introduced Debbie and explained she would note down her answers, asking if that was alright with her.

The relief on Mrs. Darley's face when she realised Care could sign upset her, though she didn't show it, and she decided then and there to speak to Chief Webber about providing sign language classes for the staff.

“Does Jason have any ongoing medical problems, Mrs. Darley, or is he on any medications?” she asked in both sign and spoken language.

“Please call me June, Mrs. Darley is my mother-in-law. He – we – have Jervell and Lange-Nielsen Syndrome, he had some heart problems when he was younger but he's been fine for a few years now, please, how is he? What are they doing? He'll panic if he wakes up and I'm not there. I need to be with him.”

“I'm sorry June, you can't go in there just yet, Doctors Miller and Torres are checking him out right now but they will come and get us as soon as you can go in. You mentioned JLNS? Has he been on beta-blockers? Was he a candidate for a cochlear implant?”

“No, he wasn't a candidate. The only medication he's been on recently was iron tablets because he was anemic. He had an assessment six months ago and they stopped the beta-blockers as they didn't help and they made him nauseous.”

Care frowned and repeated the information verbatim to Debbie, absently continuing to sign as she spoke.

“Did you see him fall? Do you know if he hit his head or hurt himself anywhere other than the obvious breaks? Did he mention any other pain before he lost consciousness? Does he have any allergies?”

The steady stream of questions seemed to be allowing Mrs. Darley to keep her calm as she answered each one.

She took her through a complete medical and family history as Debbie filled out an admission chart and noted the relevant information into it as she went. When they were done, she explained that she was going to go check on Joseph and get an update for her, and that she'd be back shortly. Thanking Debbie with a smile she took the chart and left.

* * *

Walking into the trauma room she noted he was still unconscious and realised that was probably a blessing, as a factor of JLNS was a habit of fainting when stressed or frightened. His shoulder had been popped back into place and the portable x-ray set up to check his limbs.

Dr. Fletcher looked up at her entrance and she reeled off the pertinent history at his questioning look. 

“Well, he's definitely going to need surgery. His right leg at least needs to be pinned, probably his arm.” Torres bit her lip considering for a second. “Might be best to pin the left leg too, actually. The fractures are too severe to just put a cast on it and he's so lucky he didn't damage his spine, it looks like it was a bad fall.”

“His mother seemed confident that he didn't hit his head – he hit the ground feet first and then fell forward onto his arm. A CT probably wouldn't hurt though. From what I remember JLNS presents with cardiac weakness and she mentioned heart problems when he was a toddler – shall I page cardio for a consult? I think there's an increased risk of cardiac arrhythmia when under anaesthesia.” she asked, racking her brain for anything she'd ever read in conjunction with JLNS – her genetics and inheritance classes seemed a long time ago. “He'll at least need to be monitored, right?”

“Bless your brain, yeah page someone from cardio, I think Burke might be in a surgery though – Davies is on call today. Page him and book an O.R.”

A quick word with Tyler had Davies paged and an O.R. booked. Fletcher told her to update the mother and get consent for the surgery and then come and scrub in. The O.R's were all in use so they had to wait for one to come free, which should be in about thirty minutes.

* * *

She updated June and got her consent and then headed to the bathroom quickly before heading to the O.R. On her way she bumped into Meredith who quickly updated her on her day and what had happened with her first patient, Katie Bryce.

“You didn't run for a 911? Mere!” she was shocked, Bailey beat that one in early with her group.

“I know, but she'd been paging me all day because she was bored! I didn't know!” Meredith whined, but the guilty look on her face told Caroline that this was one mistake her older sister would not be making again so she let it go.

“So what's going on with you? Where are you headed?” Meredith asked, curious.

“A nine-year old boy fell out of a tree and broke both his legs and his arm - I'm scrubbing in on the surgery to pin them and since both he and his mother are deaf I'm also acting as translator because there's only one other doctor here that can sign, can you believe that?”

“You never did tell me why you learned to sign. It's a bit of a random choice, even for you.”

“Do you remember that first house in Boston? The little girl I used to play with? They had a purple swing-set, remember?”

“I remember you asking for a swing-set after seeing it but other than that, not really?” Meredith looked confused at where she was going with this.

“Well her name was Carrie, anyway, her older sister Laurel was born deaf and they used to sign all the time. I just thought it was a secret language which was really cool, so I made them teach me some. When we got a bit older I realised how few people Laurel could talk to because she was mainstream schooled so I kept up with it. I kept up with it even after we moved again, figured it might be useful one day.”

Meredith's eyes had softened as she explained her plan to talk to the Chief about offering lessons and she was watching her with a fond expression.

“What?” she asked, feeling self-conscious.

“That's a really nice idea. It's very you. I have missed you, you know? Little sunshine.” She grinned at her impishly.

Caroline snorted and moved to leave. “Whatever. I have to go scrub in. Don't get fired.”

Meredith called after her. “Wait! Do you know the code for the research library? We're being offered the chance to scrub in on Katie's surgery if we help diagnose the problem.”

Caroline gave her a considering look. “We aren't supposed to tell you … you have to work for it.”

Meredith looked at her and pulled the saddest face she could, widening her eyes and pouting. “But they can't expect you not to tell me … I'm your sister … family loyalty or whatever.”

Caroline giggled at her face. “Stop! Stop! Not the face! You know I can't take it! Fine, but you can't tell anyone else Mere!”

“I have to tell Cristina, we're working together!” Meredith protested.

“Making friends?” Caroline questioned, wryly. “Whatever, but only her! I mean it! Promise!” she held out her pinky.

“I promise.” she linked pinkies and they smiled.

“4381. Got to go, good luck!”

* * *

Joseph's surgery went well, he was moved to a recovery room up in peds and Caroline went to fetch his mother. She showed her to his room and talked her through his surgery and ongoing care requirements, before saying he should wake up soon and that she'd back to check on them in a while. Mrs. Darley thanked her and Caroline told her to press the call button and someone would page her if she needed anything.

At the end of her shift she headed out and caught up with Meredith in the parking lot where she was saying goodbye to the other interns. She asked her if she wanted to come round to hers for dinner, but Meredith shook her head leaning back against her car.

“I'm going to visit Mom first, but after? Sure, if you don't mind cooking or ordering because you know I can barely make toast.”

Caroline shook her head at her, looking pensive.

“Why don't you come with me? She'd like a visit from you, I'm sure.”

“Meredith.” Caroline sighed. “I've visited her once every two weeks since you moved her in to that place and the same thing happens every time. She looks at me like she's seen a ghost and starts to cry. Every time. I look too much like Aunt Maggie and it upsets her.”

“What?”

“Haven't you seen the pictures? Mom's little sister looked almost exactly like me, it's spooky. She died when Mom was 15 – she was only 12. I think that's why she wanted to be a doctor … well, at least at first, anyway.”

“How did I not know this?” she sounded upset and Caroline regretted saying anything for a second.

“You never did want to listen to Pop's stories. Didn't you ever wonder why Gram and Pops were so protective of me when we were small? Why all of them got so weird whenever I was sick? I sure did so I asked and pestered and bugged them until they told me.”

“You never told me.” Meredith accused, still sounding a little shocked. “Is that why they left you their house?”

“Probably, yeah. Plus they probably knew you'd get Mom's, she never wanted to come back here. And I honestly thought you already knew, I always thought you knew everything, you're Meredith! ”

She cracked a smile at that and Care knew that at least she wasn't mad at her.

“So you won't come with me?”

“I'm sorry Mere, I don't have it in me today, I hate upsetting her. Come over after though, I'm making lasagna, so, yum. You can tell me all about why Dr. Shepherd followed you into a stairwell and what you think of the other interns.”

Meredith laughed. “I have so much to tell you …”


	2. First Cut is the Deepest

**The First Cut Is The Deepest**

 

After dinner Meredith and Caroline spent the evening winding down with a couple of glasses of wine, chatting about their days and impressions of the staff they'd worked with and their plans for their day off the following day.

“I feel like we should do something together, I doubt we'll get a lot of the same days off.”

“What did you have in mind?” Meredith asked, open to the idea.

“I don't know, neither of us are really big shopping fans so that's out. Maybe we could just go get lunch or something? I'm sure you have lots of errands piling up you need to get out of the way, so I don't want to steal your whole day.”

“Other than laundry, not really. I should sort the house out but that would take a lot more than one day.”

Caroline gave her a curious look. “Are you still getting Mom's house ready to sell?” 

“I was thinking I might keep it – get some roommates, maybe?” she sounded unsure of herself.

“Huh. Okay. Well, maybe some of the other interns are looking for a place – what about Cristina? You seem to be getting on well?”

“Cristina has an apartment already. And I don't want people I'll have to see all the time, so I'll post an ad, see who responds.”

She gathered her thoughts and started to talk, almost to herself. “It's all about lines. The finish line at the end of residency, waiting in line for a chance at the operating table, and then there's the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with. It doesn't help to get too familiar. To make friends. You need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It's all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell no one crosses them.”

When she trailed off, she looked up to see Caroline watching her, an almost sad look on her face. “You don't really believe that do you? As much as the other interns are your competition for surgery time, they're also the only people who get exactly what you're going through right now. The only people who understand the weird position you're all in of being technically doctors but knowing almost nothing that will help you day to day yet. The residents can't really be your friends as they have to teach you - the other interns should be your support system.”

“Did you make friends with all the interns in your year?”

“My class was much smaller – there were only twelve of us – and I was one of only three assigned to Bailey. I went into it as one of only three women in the whole class, about four years younger than nearly everyone else and with Mom's reputation raising expectations even before I started, so not as much as I would have hoped. I did make a couple of good friends in that first year, but Carina transferred to Mercy West last year and although we keep in touch it's not really the same. Mercy West sounds awful by the way, their program sounds a lot more cut-throat than ours.” she pulled a face at the thought. “Then Michael dropped out at the end of last year and Jen failed the intern test. Of the twelve in my class I'm one of five that are still left. Didn't you wonder why there aren't that many residents?” 

“Not really, although to be fair I haven't met everyone yet.” she said, after considering it for a minute. “Does it bother you? That there's so few of you?”

“Yes and no. It means more surgery time and I get requested more by the attendings, it's more organised so we spend roughly equal amounts of time on each rotation, but it means we're all really busy so there's less time to study, rest, eat, talk to each other. It balances out for now but next year I should have interns again and I'm not sure how that'll work.” 

Meredith hummed in response as she thought that over.

“I think I'll sleep on it. Speaking of, I'm pretty beat. Do you mind if I stay tonight? I shouldn't really drive right now.”

“Not at all, I kind of assumed you would be anyway. You have a room here, whenever you want it. Even if you do keep the house. I'll give you a key tomorrow.”

She bounced up and pulled Meredith up after her. “Come on sleepy, I'll show you to your room – need to borrow something to sleep in?”

“Please. But, like, just a T shirt and yoga pants would be fine?”

“No problem.”

* * *

Meredith woke up slowly and took a good look around the room Care had led her to last night, noting the dark wood and pale walls, all suited to her tastes. Whenever they'd stayed with their grandparents as children they'd shared a room on the floor below, so she had no real attachment to any of the bedrooms in the house. It had been sweet of her sister to get a room ready for her, especially since she hadn't even finished renovating the ground floor - apart from the kitchen.

Still half-asleep, she drifted over to the dresser and picked up a picture of the two of them in a pretty leather frame that was set on the top. It was a picture of one of the many times they'd played in the hospital waiting for their mother to come out of surgery. She wondered where the picture had come from and who'd taken it, as their mother was not exactly sentimental and she was pretty sure it was from after their father had left – she looked about 7 years old and Care had to be at least 4, maybe 5 years old even.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/40290529812/in/dateposted-public/)

“Uncle Richard has a copy of that picture in his office. I asked him to make me a copy because I thought it was cute. I mean, look at us, we're adorable!” her sister's happy voice broke the morning's silence and Meredith turned to see Caroline leaning in the doorway with a coffee mug in her hands, watching her smile down at the photograph.

“We are. What happened?” She giggled when Caroline stuck her tongue out at her. “ _So_ adorable.” she muttered, dryly. “Is that for me?” She gestured at the coffee and Caroline passed it over. “Have you already been out?” she said, gesturing over at Caroline's sports tank and leggings with her coffee cup.

“I like to run in the mornings when I can. Kick start my brain with some endorphins.” she cheerily announced “I'm making a smoothie for me but I can make you some real breakfast if you want something else? Maybe eggs?” 

Meredith blearily eyed her. 

“What?” she asked.

“I forgot you were a morning person. Are we absolutely sure you weren't adopted?” Meredith mumbled.

“I forgot you were a grump first thing in the morning. Do you want me to take the coffee back?” she raised an eyebrow at Meredith's sleepy frown.

She curled her arm protectively around the cup. “No! I'm sorry! Breakfast sounds good.”

“Hmm.” she hummed with a doubtful expression. “Help yourself to anything in my closet, breakfast can wait if you want to shower or whatever.”

“Thanks, I will. Hey, can I use your computer? I've decided I will keep the house and I want to print up an ad to post on the noticeboard. Pretty sure mine is still in a box somewhere.”

“Sure – the door opposite your room is for the room I've been using for a study … library … office … whatever.”

“Great. I'll be down in a bit, go be cheerful somewhere else.” she joked. Caroline rolled her eyes at her and disappeared down the stairs.

* * *

Laughing at Meredith's requirements for potential roommates, Caroline handed over a plate of freshly made french toast and berries and dropped a fresh pot of coffee on the counter.

Meredith boosted herself up onto a bar stool and they talked about Caroline's plans for the house. Progress had been slow since she moved back in just before her intern year, for a lot of reasons but mostly because she'd been busy and understandably focused only on the rooms she knew she was going to use the most (pretty much her room and bathroom, the kitchen, and then Meredith's room). She was planning to expand onto the rest of the ground floor, fixing up the sitting room and dining room next.

“I don't understand what happened, how did the house get so messed up?” Meredith asked after Caroline had given her a tour of the unfinished rooms.

“Mom was in charge of managing it for me until I turned eighteen, she had all the personal stuff packed up into the garage and the apartment above it, and some into the loft, and then she had an agency let it out and the money went to my trust. It seemed like a good idea so I just left it when I got control and I didn't realize there was an issue till I contacted the agency in my last year of Med. School to tell them not to renew the contracts. The tenants had redecorated parts and left others in a state. At least it was still all up to code, I was grateful for that much.”

“I'm sorry, I know you had a lot of good memories here.”

“So did you. It's okay, it's just walls and floorboards. I don't know if I could have lived here if it was exactly as they'd left it, you know? It would have felt like living with ghosts. Maybe they did me a favor, at least now, little by little, I can make it so it's mine.”

“Don't you think it's a bit big for just you though?” Meredith looked at her seriously, “Won't you be lonely here on your own?”

“I'm sure you'll be over a lot, especially when you want to avoid these hypothetical non-Bush-supporting, non-smoking roommates of yours.” she smiled, amused. “And I'm a fairly social person, Mere, I have friends, I go out. I'll be fine. Maybe when it's finally done I'll find some roommates myself.”

“You could get married and have a bunch of children to fill it up.” Meredith joked before noticing how pale Caroline had gone and wished she could take the words back. “Sorry, Care.”

“It's fine, you didn't mean … it's fine.” She took a deep breath. “I don't see that happening any time soon, but you never know I guess.” she smiled faintly.

An uncomfortable silence fell until Meredith broke it.

“Why don't you date? It's been two years.”

“I know, but I want to focus on my residency. I know it's stupid but I don't feel ready to put myself through that again. We all have our issues, just let it go for now? Please?” she begged.

Meredith sighed and changed the subject. “Fine. So what are we doing today? Want to help me clear out the rooms I'll be renting?”

At Caroline's doubtful look she laughed. “Is that a no? What kind of sister are you?”

“A good one! I fed you didn't I?”

“True.” Meredith nodded. “But I could use the help ...”

“Fine, but you owe me! You can buy lunch.”

“Deal.”

The earlier conversation was forgotten as they bickered over who would do what and Caroline left to get cleaning supplies while Meredith headed back to her own house to get started.

* * *

Back at the hospital the next day, Meredith posted her ad and it didn't take long before George and Izzie and a bunch of the other interns started asking her about it. She interviewed a couple of the ones she didn't know but they didn't seem right and she told George and Izzie she didn't think they'd want to live together and work 100 hour weeks together.

This didn't seem to dissuade them and they bugged her all shift. She'd hoped to be allowed to scrub in on a surgery with Bailey but instead she got assigned to answer trauma pages and her very first patient was a rape victim who was wearing her shoes.

She was a little shook up when she bumped into Caroline near radiology.

Caroline took one look at her face and pulled her into a nearby empty room. “What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“A girl came in – she was badly beaten, she fought off a rapist … she had my shoes. You know the animal print ones that I don't wear that much because they pinch? I wore them today. And so did she. And someone attacked her.”

Caroline didn't say anything, just let her ramble and get it all out, a sympathetic look on her face.

“I know … I do know that it's just … a coincidence … but she was wearing my shoes and someone beat the crap out of her and I just …” her shoulders slumped and she looked a bit dazed. “I guess I just felt like it meant something.”

“They're just shoes, Mere. Don't let it freak you out. It's just a weird coincidence. How's the patient?” she said calmly, trying to switch her focus.

“She's out of surgery but she's still unconscious. She fought back, you know? She bit off his penis, and now I have to carry it around with me.” She lifted the red cooler in emphasis.

“Good for her.” Caroline said firmly. “And you know what that means? She's a fighter. She'll pull though, you just watch.”

Meredith nodded but didn't look so sure.

“Are you going to be alright? I have to go, I'm assisting on an open reduction for a bilateral hip dislocation in … oh, ten minutes …” she checked her watch and looked at Meredith expectantly.

“Yeah … yes, I'll be fine, go, go. I need to see if the police have shown up yet anyway.”

She had a bit more color in her face so Caroline shot her one more worried look before hurrying off to scrub in.

* * *

She saw her later coming out of the chief's office after passing off the evidence cooler to the police and she looked more like herself.

Debbie was her favorite nurse and the biggest gossip in the hospital, and she told her about the rumor that a surgical intern had stolen a patient from Peds and got Dr. Burke involved. Debbie was fairly sure it was Meredith. Caroline was amused as soon as she realized Meredith hadn't gotten in trouble for it. 

She called her when she got home and Meredith told her the full story. She was happy she'd helped the baby and she took Dr. Burke's warning seriously. Then she told her that she'd caved and agreed to let George and Izzie move in, despite her reservations. Caroline laughed at her.

“So much for boundaries and lines.” she snickered over the phone.

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The picture was what gave me this idea, so I wanted to get it in somewhere!


	3. Winning a Battle, Losing the War

**Winning a Battle, Losing the War**

Caroline was up with the sun, having some errands to run before heading in to the hospital for her shift. The day dawned bright and clear, which seemed wrong somehow given what she knew was happening later.

She walked up behind Dr. Bailey and Dr. Shepherd as they were waiting to cross the road, hiding a smile when she caught Bailey telling Shepherd to shut up. The woman had no fear of the attendings, treating everyone up to and including the chief like toddlers that needed a time out when she felt they needed it. It was one of her favorite things about her.

“Morning, Dr. Bailey!” she greeted cheerily. “You ready for today?”

“Morning Caroline.” she said, looking confused. “What is it that's happening today? I know there's something, it's right in front of my face, but I just can't ... quite ... remember ...”

“Dead Baby Bike Race.” she said flatly, unamused. “Idiots.”

“ _That's_ it! Wait, Shepherd!” she yanked him out of the path of a rush of cyclists and they just tried to stay out of the way as the pack passed by.

“What in the -” Shepherd looked up at the two women, clearly lost for words.

They exchanged a look and turned back to him. “Dead Baby Bike Race.” they both intoned. 

“Idiots.” Caroline repeated, with feeling.

“Fools on bikes killing themselves. It's natural selection, is what it is.” Bailey agreed.

They made their way into the hospital and separated at the doors, Bailey and Caroline heading to the resident's lounge.

“It's going to be so busy today!” Caroline groaned. “How are free tequila shots worth this insanity?”

“You're asking me? I think everyone admitted from the race needs a psych consult, but that's just me. At least it should keep my interns out of trouble.”

At Caroline's amused expression she rolled her eyes. “Let me live in hope, okay? I swear I got the biggest batch of troublemakers this year.”

Caroline didn't answer at first, pulling her scrub top over her head and clipping her badge and pager to her waistband.

“Was my group less trouble?” she asked doubtfully, pulling her legs up to sit cross-legged on the bench. “I think I remember my first month differently if that's the case.”

Bailey regarded her seriously for a moment. “You were trouble in a different way. I had my doubts about you at first, because you're just so young. You proved yourself though. Everyone flounders the first month or so, at least you had the good sense to ask for help when you were out of your depth. Some of this bunch, I swear, they'd head straight to the O.R. on their own if I didn't keep an eye on them. Stealing patients, fighting and squabbling like children. Damn fools.” she shook her head and clucked her tongue.

She piled her clothes into her locker and held a hand out to pull Caroline up. 

“Come on, up. I have a bowel resection scheduled, you can scrub in and assist. Everyone who can be spared will be reassigned today anyway, I doubt Fletcher will say anything but send him to me if he has a problem with it.”

“Fine with me, you know I don't exactly love ortho. At least that rotation's nearly over.”

“I just need to give my bunch of suck ups their assignments. Meet at O.R. 3 in 15?”

“I'll just go let Dr. Fletcher know.”

* * *

They were mostly done with the surgery when two of Bailey's interns, Cristina and Izzie, interrupted.

“I know you see me resecting this bowel – do I strike you as someone who enjoys multi-tasking?” Bailey snapped out at them. 

She answered their questions patiently and directed them to find the family before turning back to the patient on the table, directing Caroline to close him up, watching her carefully as she did.

When they were scrubbing out she sighed and said she'd better go make sure her interns hadn't done anything stupid.

“Keen, aren't they?” Caroline asked.

“You don't know the half of it. Yang cannot wait to cut – it seems to be all she wants, and Stevens, that girl is a bleeding heart if ever I met one. I'd put money on her or the puppy, O' Malley, being the first ones to get themselves into trouble.” She sighed. “Karev, now that boy's a cowboy – got pushed onto my service because the Chief likes to make my life harder I swear.”

“They'll learn. Or they'll leave. It's kinda sink or swim at this point.” Caroline answered philosophically. “Come on, I'll get you a coffee before you have to face the madness.” she grinned cheekily. “Caffeine can't hurt.”

* * *

After a quick coffee with Bailey she got pulled in to help set up some traction for a spinal injury, then scrubbed in on a surgery to reduce a femoral fracture for a pedestrian hit by a cyclist. There seemed to be an endless stream of people needing treatment and she was exhausted by the time she got halfway through the shift, taking a few minutes in the lounge for a bathroom break and to down a protein shake for some energy.

The rest of the day flew by and she headed to the on-call rooms to try and get some sleep, as she was on-call overnight.

Meanwhile, already keyed up after a confrontation with Alex and an almost-conversation with McDreamy, Meredith let herself into her house to find Izzie and George going through her mother's boxes in the living room. After a second of dismayed staring at Izzie's 'nesting' explanation she started grabbing the freshly unpacked things from the mantel and shoving them back into their box, obviously agitated.

When George asked if she wanted to watch one of her mother's tapes with them she snapped.

“No. No! We're not watching my mother's tapes, we're not unpacking boxes, and we're not having long conversations where we celebrate the moments of our lives!” she snatched his beer off the table and shoved it at him. “And use a coaster!”

“I ordered Chinese food?” George offered hesitantly as she stormed up the stairs.

“I HATE CHINESE FOOD!” she shot back angrily, slamming her bedroom door to shut out their giggling at her tantrum.

She sighed and pulled out her cellphone to call her sister. 

It rang a couple of times and she hit speaker as Caroline sleepily answered. “Mere, I love you like Dobby loves socks, but I'm on call and I need sleep ...”

Meredith giggled at that. “Sorry, do you want me to call later?”

“No, it's fine, I'm awake now.” She yawned. “You okay?”

“I just lost my temper at my new roommates. They're just so ... And they keep ... And I just need them to not ...”

“I'm going to need some full sentences here, Meredith. What did they do?” she asked.

“They're unpacking Mom's boxes and watching her tapes and I told them not to but they did it anyway! And they're always there! Izzie was standing over me when I woke up this morning! While I was asleep! Is that normal behavior? I don't think so! And I fought with Alex in the locker room and Shepherd had to pull me off him because he's an ass and was bragging about scrubbing in on Burke's surgery … and Shepherd keeps asking me out, but it's just the chase, right? It must be, because I keep saying no and he keeps asking. Oh, and Viper, one of my biker patients from earlier, he kissed me, Shepherd saw … and … and... it's been a really long day.”

“Wow. Okay. You kinda threw a lot at me there, sis. Take a few deep breaths for me and give me a sec, okay?”

“Sorry.” Meredith took her advice and breathed deeply for a few seconds.

“First things first. Shepherd? I thought you decided to pretend nothing happened. Didn't he agree to that? You're an intern, he's an attending. This could hurt your career before it's even started.”

“I know! I told him it was inappropriate. I didn't know who he was when I met him, I swear. Cristina knows, and I think Izzie does too – Cristina mentioned it in front of her. He just keeps asking, like I said, it's the chase!”

“Maybe. Is he making you uncomfortable? Do you need to speak to Uncle Richard?”

“Not really. I like him, and if he wasn't an attending I'd probably have agreed to a date already. He's just persistent and I honestly think he doesn't see why it's a problem. I can't go to the Chief over this anyway, he's Head of Neuro and I'm just an intern, who do you think comes out of that well?”

“There are laws against sexual harassment you know.” Caroline retorted. “I don't care who he is Meredith, the second he makes you feel uncomfortable you will report it.”

“If he does I will, but he isn't for now.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

“The patient? Did you say Viper? Is that his actual name?”

“Doubtful. He signed himself out against my advice, Alex had said his wound was superficial and he accepted that and wouldn't listen to me when I tried to get him to agree to some tests. Alex is an ass.”

“We'll get to Alex in a minute. So this … Viper kissed you? Did you kiss him back?”

“No, he said it was for luck. Caught me off guard. The worst thing about it was that Shepherd saw and he was jealous. He says he wasn't but he was.”

“Okay. Maybe try and avoid getting kissed by patients? I don't really know what to say to that. What happened with Alex? That's Bailey's new intern, Karev, right?”

“Karev, yeah. He walks into the locker room when I'm getting my stuff to leave and starts going on about he smells like open-heart surgery after snaking Izzie and Cristina's patient so he could scrub in with Burke, and then he comes up behind me telling me to smell him and rubbing his gross sweaty face in my hair and I just lost it – shoved him up against a locker and told him he smelled like ass before Shepherd walked in, _again,_ and separated us and made Alex leave.”

“Seriously?!” Care exclaimed. “Honestly, that whole hospital needs a seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace. Are you okay?”

“I'm fine, he just made me so mad, you know? Ass.”

“You really like that word tonight. Although I kind of have to agree with you on that one. He was acting like an ass.” she agreed. “And then you got home ...”

“I walked in and they'd unpacked a bunch of Mom's boxes, photo frames and things, and they were pulling out all her surgical tapes! I swear I told Izzie this morning to leave them alone and do you know what she said to me? She said she's upset, and when she's upset she nests! She's not a bird or... or ... a pregnant woman! What does that even mean?”

“This isn't helpful, but, well,you did want roommates. You could tell them it isn't working out and ask them to leave?”

“They just moved in!” 

“Well then, you need to find a compromise.” she said calmly. “Is it the worst thing in the world if they make the place a bit more homey? Put anything you really don't want set out into storage, or bring it over to mine and I'll pack it in the loft, but some paintings and decoration might be nice? If you don't want to use Mom's stuff you could agree to go shopping for some new things together?”

Meredith grumbled a bit but didn't argue.

“Izzie being in your room while you were sleeping is a bit odd, I'll give you.”

“Right?!”

“So you need rules. Sit them both down and talk about personal spaces. Your room is your space. They don't go in. You agree not to go in their rooms either. And when they absolutely drive you mad, you have a room at mine and a key, use it.”

“And Mom's tapes?”

“They should probably have asked first, that's kinda rude, but come on, if it was another surgeon you'd be right there with them and you know it. Plus I bet you've already watched them all. I know you, Mere. You probably made notes.”

“Maybe.”

“Do you think you may have overreacted just a tiny bit when you went all Grey-crazy at them?” Caroline wheedled, sounding amused. “Since you were already annoyed before you got home?”

“It's possible.” she allowed.

“Feel better now?”

“Kinda. Sorry I woke you. I'll bring you a coffee in the morning.”

“Don't worry about it, I can probably get a couple of hours sleep still.” 

Her pager chose that moment to bleep loudly in the quiet room. “Or not. Got to go. I'll see you in the morning.”

“See ya.” 

“Oh, and Mere? If you snap and kill your roommates, Cristina looks like the type who'd help you dispose of the bodies. You know, if I'm still on call.”

That surprised a giggle out of Meredith.

“Thanks, Care.”

“Later, crazycakes.”

She hung up and flopped back on her bed. “Why did I think this was a good idea again?”

* * *

Caroline was handing off her patients at the end of her shift when she saw a gurney wheeled past the window with Meredith straddling a patient on top of it, clearly struggling to hold an abdominal wound together. She blinked before giving herself a mental shake and turning back to the incoming resident. “Uh, where was I?”

* * *

She decided she needed to meet the infamous roommates properly instead of just judging them by Meredith's stories so she cajoled Meredith into coming with her to pick up take out and they walked into her Mom's house to see Cristina, George and Izzie watching a tape of her mother doing a face transplant.

They fell silent when Meredith walked in, and George blurted out “Cristina made us!” The woman in question shot him a dirty look and Meredith looked back at Caroline and raised an eyebrow as if to say 'You see?'

Caroline just smiled and followed her in, grabbing a large cushion and dropping the take out bag on the coffee table before settling herself on the floor.

“So what are we watching?” Meredith asked, helping herself to a handful of Izzie's popcorn with a smile. “Oh, this is the one where our mother ...” 

Izzie interrupted, sounding excited,“Your Mom rips this guy's face off!”

Caroline just laughed at their excitement and Meredith made the introductions. They hung out, chatting for a few hours and Caroline decided they were a decent bunch. She was pretty sure George had a crush on her sister, though Meredith was oblivious. She hoped that didn't cause any problems later.

Cristina was intense but she could see why Meredith had formed an almost instant connection with her – they had a similar outlook, although Cristina was probably a bit more intense. She pulled Caroline into a conversation about her residency so far and what surgeries she'd been allowed in on during her intern year and Care answered all her questions good-naturedly, even giving her some tips on the other residents and attendings (except Bailey, she _had_ promised, and didn't have a death wish).

She excused herself after a while, planning to go home and Cristina asked if she'd mind dropping her back at the hospital to pick up her bike, as she'd driven over with George and Izzie. She had no objections so they both headed out after saying their goodbyes.

In the car Caroline could feel Cristina regarding her curiously.

“You and Meredith are so different, but still the same. It's weird.”

Caroline snorted at that. “We _are_ sisters. We grew up together, of course there are similarities. I think I had an easier time growing up though, 'cause I always knew I had her. She doesn't get enough credit for how I turned out.”

“Should you be hanging out with us poor interns anyway?”

“Probably not. You going to tell on me?” She shot her a look, amused.

“Probably not.” Cristina smirked back.


	4. No Man's Land

**No Man's Land**

Meredith's intern group introduction to overnight rounds coincided with Care switching rotations, and they didn't get to see much of each other for a few days. 

Although Seattle Grace was accredited as a transplant center their dedicated transplant team was small, made up only of the transplant coordinator Jeremy (who wasn't a surgeon) and two attendings; Dr.'s Gillies and West. The rest of the team was staffed by rotating third and fourth year residents who covered the transplant team in addition to the SICU. Roughly fifty percent of the patients in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit were waiting for or recovering from organ transplants and the SICU nurses covered both areas to provide continuity of care.

Her first day on the SICU Caroline was introduced to Dr. West who was an old-school, extremely conservative surgeon in his mid-fifties whose disapproval of female surgeons was fairly obvious, even to someone a lot less perceptive than she was. Unfortunately she was painfully aware that this was by far the longest of the rotations she would be undertaking this year. The next four months suddenly looked a lot longer.

No stranger to being underestimated, his attitude just made her more determined to succeed and she threw herself into learning everything she could about the team she'd just joined and the patients currently on their service. Not for the first time, she blessed her mentor from Med. School, who had made sure she knew that having the nurses on your side was always, always a good idea. All of the nurses on shift were women and obviously used to Dr West's attitude, if unappreciative of it, so were friendly and welcoming to Caroline. 

She'd scrubbed in on a couple of procedures over the last two years that had involved the SICU, so not all of the nurses were strangers but she wouldn't say she knew any of them well. She took steps to start rectifying that over the course of the day, finding out that Julia had twin five-year-old boys at home, Elena had a daughter going to medical school and that Patrice didn't have children, but she had a blog dedicated to her toy poodle – complete with pictures of the many, many outfits she dressed the tiny dog up in. Caroline remembered a box of dolls clothes in the attic and promised to look it out, fairly sure she had a set of tiny scrubs somewhere in it – the outfits were of a size likely to fit the long-suffering but well-loved pooch.

The women had shared stories of their time with Dr. West and basically cemented Caroline's first impression of the man as sexist but competent at his job and a talented surgeon. Dr Gillies, the other attending, wasn't on shift on her first day but she had met him previously when he'd led a seminar on complications in transplant surgery for auto-immune diseases. He was of an age with Dr. West but hadn't seemed to share his more … misogynistic … views of women in medicine, which was a relief.

Having been warned by Patrice that Dr. West had a habit of quizzing the residents on various aspects of the patient's conditions, she made a point of additional preparation and answered every question he posed correctly. While he didn't praise her competency, she was at least lucky enough to avoid a dressing down. One of the fourth year residents, Miles, was not so lucky, answering incorrectly but arrogant in his belief he was right – he challenged Dr. West when he was told he was wrong and was then subjected to a thorough rant encompassing everything from his lack of intelligence to his questionable personal hygiene.

When Dr. West was winding down _(“...at least brush your teeth if you insist on fouling the air and demonstrating to everyone that somewhere, a village has been deprived of its idiot …”)_ Julia winked at her where she was sat charting and she wondered if Miles had somehow got on her bad side.

* * *

When coming back from a coffee run the following morning, she saw that someone had posted photocopies of a woman in lingerie to the elevator doors – looking closer she realized it was the Bethany Whisper campaign Izzie had mentioned was going to be coming out soon. She pulled it down, wondering if it was anywhere else and if Izzie had seen it yet. Hearing shouting coming from the intern locker room, she figured she probably had and, sighing, moved towards the open door, fervently wishing an older resident had been around to deal with what she was sure was going to be a fun confrontation.

“... and while you're sitting on _$200 grand_ of student loans … I'm out of debt.” 

She rounded the door to see Izzie in her underwear grabbing her clothes from the floor and storming into the tiny bathroom attached to the locker room, telling George not to bother when he quietly offered to take the pictures down.

Caroline's eyes narrowed as she took in the situation – the locker room was _papered_ with pictures of the ad and half of the interns were looking shame-faced at the floor while the other half were snickering. Karev was smirking at the door Izzie had just slammed behind herself but it looked a bit half-hearted. She remembered what Meredith had said about his previous behavior and that he'd been bounced from a different service before getting pushed onto Bailey and was willing to bet he was the instigator if not the sole culprit of this current drama.

“Would someone care to explain what the ever-loving heck is going on in here?” 

She injected a certain level of frostiness into her voice without raising it from a conversational level, a trick she'd picked up from her mother, albeit (mostly) subconsciously. The entire room froze and looked up at her – George with an expression of relief she was amused to note, not that she let that show on her face – but no-one answered her. She noticed more than one set of eyes cut to Alex though, and he himself was looking a lot less smug.

She raised a questioning eyebrow at George but he said nothing.

“Do you have something to say, Dr. Karev? It seems most of your fellow interns believe you to be involved from the looks you are receiving.” she raised the pictures she'd pulled off the elevator doors in emphasis. At that point Izzie came out of the bathroom fully dressed and significantly calmer. She looked surprised to see Caroline.

“Dr. Grey?” 

“Dr. Stevens, I appear to have walked into an incident of workplace harassment directed at yourself. Astonishingly no one seems prepared to own up to it.” she said, dryly. “Would you care to make a report?”

She kept her tone conversational and although she was talking to Izzie, her eyes never left Alex who shifted uncomfortably.

Izzie eyed Alex and obviously decided she'd sufficiently got her point across, so she answered Caroline fairly calmly. “Thank you, but I think the issue has been dealt with.”

“Fair enough. I want all of the pictures in here removed and I better not find another copy in this hospital outside of the confines of a magazine or I will report this incident myself, is that perfectly clear?”

A mumbled chorus of agreement came from the assembled interns and she sighed. What a start to the day. 

“I'm sure you all have work to be getting to, so get to it.” 

They scrambled to leave and she heard one of them mutter to his friend _“Did you know she could be so scary?”_ and smirked. 

“Not you, Dr. Karev.” she said as he moved for the door.

Izzie and George paused at the door and looked back. She mock glared at them and they hurried out. She turned back to Alex and regarded him seriously. He looked down at the floor to avoid her gaze.

“We both know that you did this. Fortunately for you, Dr. Stevens chose the high road and decided to ignore your ridiculous behavior, as if she had reported it you could have gotten kicked out of the program. I've heard quite a lot about you, Dr. Karev, none of it good.”

When he still said nothing, she straightened, suddenly exasperated with him and the whole situation.

“However, it seems you have the chance to turn it around. I've known a few guys like you, some of whom turned out to be decent guys underneath all the … I'm trying to think of a better word than douchiness. I sincerely hope that you turn out to be one of them.” He looked up at her at that, and she waved an arm around, gesturing at the locker room's new wallpaper. “Clean this up and then go find Dr. Bailey. She doesn't appreciate tardiness.”

She turned and left without looking back.

* * *

Having heard that her Mom's old scrub nurse, Liz Fallon, had been admitted she wasn't entirely surprised when the first chance she got to talk to Meredith that was almost the first thing out of her mouth. Apparently she'd already gone to see her twice.

Meredith was obviously more than a little hurt that their mother had remembered Liz when she didn't recognize either of them, hadn't even recognized their father from photographs, but Caroline considered how much time Ellis Grey had spent at the hospital and that Liz had been her favorite scrub nurse for years and guessed she'd probably spent more time with her than with both of her daughters combined. Looking at it that way it wasn't all that surprising and she told Mere so.

“I went back, after that. I told her about Mom's diagnosis. I know I wasn't supposed to but I felt like she deserved to know.”

“It wasn't right that she made you sign that contract, you should be able to tell who you need to tell – it's not right that she's making you lie to protect her reputation. Especially when it's obviously hurting you.”

Meredith agreed but they both knew there wasn't anything they could do about it. Caroline only knew because Meredith refused to keep it from her, and she worded it to the home in such a way that Caroline was her emergency contact and backup contact for their mother in case she couldn't be reached. Caroline had offered to take over dealing with their mother's care but Meredith felt that, as the oldest, she should be responsible.

Caroline didn't argue but helped as much as Meredith let her.

“I'm going to visit Nurse Fallon, I'd like to meet her, see what stories she has to tell. I'm off now.”

“She'd probably like that, I mentioned that you worked here too, she said she'd only heard good things about both of us.”

“Lies.”

They glanced at each other and started giggling, both enjoying the brief release of tension.

“See you later, little sunshine.”

“Ha. Ask your fellow interns how appropriate that name is. Might surprise you.”

She waved off Meredith's questioning look and headed to Liz Fallon's room. She noticed Dr. Burke and Cristina having what looked like an involved conversation at the end of the hallway but shrugged it off as she tapped on the door-frame.

“Hi. I'm Caroline Grey, you met my sister earlier?”

“Come on in, let me look at you. Well, aren't you a pretty one?”

“Thanks?”

“Heard about your mother.”

“You worked with her a long time. She remembered you. Doesn't remember much of anything most days but she remembers you well. I told Meredith she spent more time with you than with both of us put together. I'm sure she thought I was joking, but thinking about it, that's probably accurate.”

“Probably. Both of us, we made this hospital our life. I'm not saying that was wrong or a bad thing. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. Your mother, she had a gift. She was a very good surgeon.”

“She was.”

“Not much of a mother though, I'm guessing.”

“Not really. I love her. She's my mother. But I don't like her very much sometimes. Does that make me a bad daughter, do you think?”

“You and your sister, you got a raw deal on the mother front but you both got her gift from what I've heard. Don't waste it, but maybe … don't let it become your life. Don't let your work be your life.”

“That wasn't a 'no'.”

They smiled at each other for a second.

“I'm no judge, but I think if you care enough to consider the question, you can't be that bad.”

“So …” Caroline changed the subject, suddenly uncomfortable. “Got any good stories from working with Mom?”

“Honey, the stories I could tell you would put curl in your hair ….”

“Bring it on.”


	5. Shake Your Groove Thing

**Shake Your Groove Thing**

 

The sisters had met up in the cafeteria, Meredith on a break and Caroline early for her shift. The director of Roseridge had explained to Meredith that with the advancement of their mother's condition, it was time to sign her affairs over and she was obviously freaking out about it. Caroline offered, again, to deal with it but Meredith was adamant about keeping her out of it, especially after she'd admitted why she was keeping her visits to their mother to a minimum.

“I could still deal with everything else though, even if you take on her medical care and dealing with the home – I can deal with the legal and financial affairs. You're taking on a lot here Meredith and you're in your intern year, you don't have much time as it is – and it only gets harder, believe me. Just remember that the offer is still open, if it gets to be too much I can _help._ I don't want you to struggle because you're being stubborn, I can handle it, I swear.”

“I know. I know you can, Care, I just don't think you should _have_ to. You have a busy life too, and she said from the beginning that she just wanted me to deal with this, whatever her reasons for that were.” she eyed Caroline, fairly sure what the reasons were, but didn't say anything else.

Caroline hadn't been in a good place when she moved back to Seattle for her intern year. Their mother had just been diagnosed but was keeping it quiet so she had decided to take some time off, claiming it was for 'research' and moved back with her. If _Ellis Grey_ was concerned, there had definitely been a problem. She came out the other side stronger, bouncing back to almost her normal cheerful self with her residency giving her something to focus on. She demanded a lot of herself, always had really, and Meredith was looking forward to seeing her with interns – it should be amusing. She had a way of encouraging the best out of people.

Caroline was a lot of things, but stupid had never been one of them and she knew her sister (and to some extent, her mother) just wanted to protect her, but she didn't need them to, she was an adult and a doctor and was kicking butt at both things, _thankyouverymuch._

Sensing Meredith wasn't going to listen, at least for now, she resolved to change the subject.

“So you're scrubbing in on a CABG with Dr. Burke today? Are you excited? It's your first bypass surgery, right? He'll probably let you hold the heart.”

They managed to pass the last few minutes of Meredith's break taking about surgery and avoiding the topic of their mother altogether.

* * *

Caroline had managed to find the box of her baby toys in the attic and pulled out all the doll's clothes she could find. She dropped the bag off at the nurses station with a wink for Patrice who grinned at her and started rummaging through it, pulling out the tiny scrubs and cooing at them. Julia rolled her eyes, moving over to let Caroline slide in to the computer to look up the patients for the day.

There had been two new admissions since her last shift; a thirty-four year old man six months out from a successful heart transplant had been readmitted with a large pericardial effusion that had caused severe chest pain – over a liter of fluid had been drained with pericardiocentesis and he was being monitored in the SICU in case of any complications.

The other new admission broke her heart. A five-month old baby girl had been moved up from Peds after she was diagnosed with a rare strain of biliary atresia that was causing the small ducts in her liver to disintegrate. The lack of a viable donor liver meant her parents were petitioning the hospital to test them to see if a live donor transplant could be considered as it was really her only chance at this point. The transplant review board was always wary of live donor transplants, especially when the recipient was so young, so it was apparently taking some time.

Fortunately for Caroline, Dr. Gillies was the attending on call as Dr. West was also faculty at the local university and had two days a week set aside for teaching commitments. This meant she would likely see some O.R. time and actually learn something.

She was responsible for monitoring the new admissions and half the remaining patients on the floor while Dr. Gillies was in a harvest surgery at Seattle Presbyterian; a cadaveric donor had been found for Caroline's favorite patient in the SICU so far, an older woman called Stella who had been on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant for months. She kept Caroline and the nurses highly entertained with stories of her younger days as an entertainer on a cruise liner and had the pictures to prove it. She had an irrepressible spirit about her and Caroline was hoping that translated to her recovery after surgery, as far as she was concerned positive thinking really did help. It definitely couldn't hurt.

* * *

Having heard about the incident in Burke's CABG surgery from George she tracked Meredith down, walking into the locker room to see her splashing water on her face.

“What happened?”

“How …?”

“George has a big mouth. He was worried.”

“Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks.” she paused to take a shaky breath, leaning back against the sink.

“Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it?” she didn't wait for a response. “The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers. Responsibility. It really does suck.”

“Mere. What happened?”

“I nodded off and squeezed the heart a little, it shouldn't have done anything but my nail popped the glove, it might have damaged the heart.” she sounded lost.

“Do you want a pep talk, sympathy, or actual advice?” Caroline asked.

“Sympathetic advice followed by a pep talk? And maybe a hug?”

Caroline smiled softly. “A hug I can do.” She gave Meredith a brief squeeze before pulling back and resting her hands on her shoulders before leading her to sit on the bench.

“Mistakes happen, especially when you're learning. It's how we deal with them that decides what kind of doctor we become. The best thing to do would have been to tell Burke straight away, so he could check the heart while she was still open on the table, but I think you already know that.”

The twin spots of color high on Meredith's cheekbones answered her and she nodded.

“I know it's scary, but you really should mention it, preferably before there are any complications, just in case. Try to get Burke on his own and mention your concern, that it could be nothing but you didn't feel right not mentioning it. I don't know him that well, but he's a good doctor and seems a good man.”

“But what if they kick me out of the program?” she practically whispered the question, unable to meet Caroline's eyes.

“They won't.” she said, firmly. “You are good at this. You show initiative and you learn fast. You'll be fine.” She was sure she would be, she knew people who'd made far worse mistakes and they were still kicking around.

“Just, take a deep breath. Let it out. Go back to work.”

She nodded shakily. “Thanks.”

“Don't worry about it. I had far worse meltdowns in my intern year and I had no Meredith to talk me down.” she smiled. “Bailey was awesome, though. You could always talk to her about it, if you can't face Burke. She'd know what to do.”

“Maybe I will. I should probably talk to Burke though, she's his patient.” She sighed and stood up, straightening her spine. “Okay.” She smiled wanly looking down at Caroline. “You're good at the pep talk thing.”

“Nah, I just know what you need to hear.” she grinned and jumped up from the bench. “Now, shoo. I need to get back to my patients.”

* * *

She was waiting for the call to say Dr. Gillies harvest was successful before she had to prep Stella for her surgery and was keeping her company and answering her questions in the meantime, a pile of charts at her side. Paperwork was a necessary evil, and she made it a habit to get it over with as soon as possible for the sake of her sanity.

Stella's labs were as good as they could be and there was no reason the surgery couldn't go ahead from their side, but until Dr. Gillies was physically back in the hospital with the donor kidney there were no guarantees.

Miles was also working that day, responsible for the other half of the floor he did the bare minimum then planted himself at one of the computers, playing solitaire for all she knew, while his two interns ran round unsupervised. She tried not to judge other people but lazy doctors really annoyed her, it was part of his job to train his interns and she was debating whether or not to say something when she noticed Patrice watching him with a less than happy expression. Maybe she should wait and see … the nurses were good at getting their point across when riled, and it looked like Miles really _had_ got himself on their bad side. 

The call finally came and she helped Stella into a gown and escorted her to the O.R, where the anesthesiologist was waiting with Julia and they took her in while Caroline gowned up and hurried into the scrub room to get ready. 

Dr. Gillies showed up with a big red cooler thirty minutes later and the surgery got underway. He allowed Caroline to make the first incision, they opened her up and he hissed at the damage to her existing kidney. From the look of it, the donor had been found just in time.

Stella had opted to donate her old kidney for research purposes, so when it was removed it was packed up and placed in a cooler to be taken to the labs.

When the new organ was placed in Stella's abdomen, Dr. Gillies talked her through the steps to connect the blood vessels to the iliac artery and vein, and then to connect the ureter to the bladder allowing her to assist and even take over at times.

Five hours later, she gratefully sank into a chair, still feeling buzzed from the adrenaline high she always got in the O.R. The surgery was successful and Stella was moved back to a recovery room in the SICU and Caroline was to monitor her overnight as she was on call. 

She gave herself five minutes before getting up and stretching out her body, putting off the aches and pains she was sure she'd have later. A quick check on her patients and she decided it was a good time to fit in a meal before afternoon pre-rounds.

* * *

She bumped into Izzie on the way to the resident's lounge and she invited her to the party she was throwing that night. Caroline declined, explaining she was on call but was fairly surprised Meredith was letting Izzie throw a party at the house, especially with everything else she had going on at the moment. Shrugging it off, she went and grabbed her dinner from the freezer bag in her cubby.

Not being a fan of most of the cafeteria food, she had learnt early on to bring most of her own meals and snacks, taking the time on some of her days off to prep in bulk a few weeks at a time. She lost a lot of weight she couldn't afford in her first couple of months of residency, so most of her meals were heavy on the protein and supplemented with smoothies that mostly hid the chalky protein powder she loaded them with.

Since she still bought drinks and fruit (and occasionally sweet snacks, depending on the desserts offered – nobody's perfect, and lemon bars and chocolate fudge cake were hard to resist) the cafeteria staff were usually happy to heat up her meals for her when she asked. It helped that she was polite – and cute.

She sat down to a plate of barbecue chicken and vegetables and was startled when Alex plopped down next to her, a bland-looking sandwich on his plate.

“So, were you not invited to the party either?” he asked, reaching out and snatching a piece of chicken from her plate.

She looked up at him confused, before deciding to just roll with it.

“I was invited. I'm just on call. Also, I don't really know Izzie well enough to want to meet her boyfriend. I take it you weren't invited?” She smacked his hand as he reached for another piece and he pouted at her.

“No, they all keep trying to pretend there isn't a party but it's all everyone's talking about. Don't think the doc's here have much of a social life.” he smirked.

“I'm not being funny, Karev, but...” she hesitated. “Why are you talking to me? The last and only time we spoke I was less than impressed with you and you didn't say much of anything.”

“You were right, I guess. I'm trying, to make it right with Stevens. Sort of, anyway.”

“That's a start, but it doesn't explain ...”

“Why did you? Say all that to me?” he side-eyed her.

“Don't get excited or anything, I'm not interested in you like that. You're hot, but I'm not looking.” she smirked at him and he grinned back, clearly not bothered by her professed lack of interest in him.

“I was a cheerleader in college. I knew a lot of jocks. Some were jerks, but you get that everywhere.” she rolled her eyes. “Testosterone makes some people stupid. But there were a couple who were only jerks when they were around their jock friends or wanted to be seen a certain way. I got to know a couple of them well and they had their reasons but they became really good friends, like older brothers to me, you know?”

She smiled wistfully and he frowned.

“So what? You think I'm like them?”

“Of course not, I don't know you.” she scoffed. “I just know that you can't always trust a first impression, and I'm willing to give you a chance to prove you're more than yours. Plus you seem like the outsider in your little intern group, and I've always rooted for the underdog.” she snickered at his mock-offended look.

Her pager went off and she sighed at her half-eaten dinner. She wasn't all that hungry anyway. She grabbed the water and apple off her tray and pushed her plate towards him.

“Do you want the rest of this? I made it, I don't like wasting it, and your sandwich actually makes me feel sad.”

He grinned. “Hell yes, home cooking beats soggy sandwiches any day. Thanks.”

She laughed and waved over her shoulder as she left for the SICU.

* * *

She got back to work, monitoring Stella so she could be there when she woke up, and keeping a close eye on the baby, Lydia, while trying to keep Miles' interns occupied. Miles himself had disappeared, although she knew his shift wasn't over for a few more hours. She had a suspicion that he had something going on with one of the nurses in Dermatology but was only bothered as far as it affected her – it was his business but she didn't appreciate being left on her own to manage the floor, his interns, and a ward full of critical patients.

Thank the Lord for the nurses, that's all she could say. Without their help she would probably have been overwhelmed, but they had a good idea of what was going on with his patients. Needless to say, she didn't exactly get much chance to sleep and she was beyond exhausted the next morning when her shift was finally over, but everyone was still alive and Stella was awake and doing well, so she considered that a success. 

Meredith had called and told her about her meeting with the Chief so she decided to hang around and talk to her beforehand. She couldn't believe she'd 'fessed up to Burke in front of the patient's husband. She clearly remembered telling her to try to talk to him alone. Talk about compounding an error! She was still pretty sure that Meredith wouldn't get kicked out of the program, but she was definitely going to face a reprimand, probably probation or maybe some other sanctions. 

She didn't mention it to Meredith but there was no way Uncle Richard would let either of them get kicked out, especially not for a mistake like this. She was closer to him than Meredith, having kept in touch and visited when she was back for summers with her grandparents. She adored Adele Webber, called her Aunt Adele, and the older woman was sweet to her although their interactions sometimes had an odd edge she didn't quite understand, even if it was aimed at the Chief more than her.

She saw her come in with George and Izzie at her heels. They split off and headed for the end of the walkway to wait, leaving Meredith to head to the offices on the other side alone. Caroline hugged her briefly.

“Stay calm. Tell the truth and don't get emotional. Legal are sharks, they are good at their jobs for a reason and part of that means mitigating risks to the hospital. Show that you aren't going to be a risk, that you've learned from your mistake. You'll be fine. Do you want me to stay?”

“No, you look exhausted. Weren't you on call? Go home and get some sleep, I'll call you later.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I appreciate you being here but I'll be fine. Either way.”

“Okay. Call me as soon as you know.”

“I will. Bye, Care.” Meredith took a deep breath and knocked on the Chief's door.

* * *

Patrice was on the way in and stopped her on her way out to show her the latest photos of her poodle, Stanley. She'd clearly made use of the doll scrubs and Caroline left giggling.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/39754344064/in/dateposted-public/)

* * *

She'd just got home when her phone rang and Meredith's happy voice sang out “I'm staying! One month's probation but I didn't get fired! Burke saved my ass, seriously. He admitted he was the one who left the towel in Mrs Drake, did you hear about that?”

“I heard about the patient who had a towel left inside her. I also heard it was supposed to be a secret, so obviously everyone knows. I didn't know it was Burke though.”

“Yeah, apparently it was when he was a surgical fellow, he thought he might have forgotten something but didn't speak up at the time. He spoke to me after the meeting and said next time, say something in the O.R and not in front of the patient or their family.”

“He has a point, Mere. Really?”

“Oh, don't! I know, I know, I just thought with her complications I really needed to tell him straight away, I forgot that her husband was right there.”

“How was the boyfriend meet-and-greet last night?”

“Oh my gosh, Izzie had invited half the hospital! I wanted to kill her when I got home but she wasn't even there! I couldn't sort that thing out for Mom by the way, I need to try again tomorrow.”

“People around?”

“Uh huh. So, it was doctorpalooza and I drank a lot of tequila and did something stupid.”

“Does this something stupid happen to be a certain dreamy attending?” she asked dryly.

“Exactly. And we maybe got seen by the worst possible person.”

“Uncle Richard?”

“Okay. Second worst.”

“Bailey?!”

“Yep.” How Meredith managed to fit so much misery into one syllable, Caroline would never know.

She couldn't help it. She started laughing.

“Caroline!” came Meredith's indignant squawk from the phone. “This isn't funny!”

“It kind of is, how do you get yourself into these messes?” she caught her breath. “Seriously, how?”


	6. If Tomorrow Never Comes

**If Tomorrow Never Comes**

 

A week later and the transplant review board had finally reached a decision about surgery for little Lydia Walter and her parents had both been tested. Her father was a suitable match and the surgery was scheduled for the following day.

Because live donor surgeries were a lot riskier (at least in terms of liability for the hospital) than cadaveric donor transplants, the surgeries were going to be carried out by attending level surgeons only – the Chief was acting as first assist with Dr. Gillies on Mr. Walter's surgery and an attending was coming down from Peds to assist Dr. West with Lydia.

This meant that she and one of the fourth year residents, Anthony, had the run of the ward. Miles, thankfully, had left at the end of his shift. She was reaching the end of her patience with him and Dr. West both and she was barely a month into the rotation. She had actually marked up a calendar and stuck it to her fridge to count down the remaining days of her residency in the SICU. 

Earlier that day she had been dealing with the post-op assessments when a patient's visitor had asked her if she was the nurse. Since she was wearing her white coat, ID badge and stethoscope and had just introduced herself as Dr. Grey she was more than a little confused. She repeated her introduction and turned her attention to the patient to begin the standard questioning when he interrupted her again.

“No, really. When's the real Doctor getting here? I'm sure you're a very good nurse, but my uncle needs to be seen by an actual doctor.”

“I'm sorry, you are?”

“Mitchell Adams.”

“Mr. Adams, I _am_ the doctor. I'm simply here to check on my patient and assess his post-operative care needs. Now you are welcome to stay if your uncle has no problem with that, or you can wait outside until we are done.”

She regarded him seriously and when he made to protest, the elder Mr. Adams sat up a little in bed and reached out to pat his arm.

“Leave the girl be Mitch. She's one of my doctors, came in with the surgeon earlier.”

“But Uncle ...”

“You're being rude and I know my sister didn't raise her boy to be disrespectful of women.” His tone was final and he turned his attention to Caroline.

“Sorry dear, you were saying?”

Since his was the last check to be completed she excused herself when they were done and shut herself in the bathroom for a cathartic five minute cry.

She was normally able to just brush off the casual comments like that, but she'd been cut out of a surgery by Dr. West earlier, even though it was her patient. He'd asked Miles to scrub in and she didn't even have a chance to protest. Miles had been smug about it and condescendingly informed her that it must be because Dr. West and he shared the opinion that women should stick to what they were good at (accompanied by a vulgar gesture in case she wasn't sure what he meant by that) and leave surgery to the men.

If that wasn't enough for one day, he'd then taken credit for her diagnosis of a critical patient which meant she lost out on _another_ surgery as the attending was, once again, Dr. West. She didn't bother wasting her breath trying to challenge his assumptions, she already knew from her brief experience working with him that he'd always favor Miles and Tony, simply because they were male.

Tony, Dr. Corden, wasn't nearly as bad as Miles but he didn't seem to want to talk to her. He'd pass on patient information but otherwise, he tended to freeze like a startled rabbit every single time she spoke to him. He'd actually walked off when she was mid-sentence once. She couldn't work out if it was shyness or a problem with her specifically, but she was over it already. He was sleeping in the on-call room like he had been for the last several hours, leaving her with all the patients and she was worn out.

At least she was off at six and tomorrow was her day off. She had plans to meet up with some of her friends and dance her stress away. One of her best friends from college, Casey, had moved to Seattle with her husband Kyle about a year after Care moved back for her intern year. She'd let them live with her for a few months while they house-hunted and they were all part of a close-knit group that hung out fairly often.

Caroline obviously missed out on quite a bit because of how demanding residency was, but she saw them all as much as possible and they understood her schedule was difficult.

When she was free, they usually got together at Caroline's house and she'd cook up a storm, or they gathered at the bar that Kyle and Casey owned on the other side of town. She loved it there. They'd bought a dilapidated picture house and completely gutted it. It now had a fairly upscale lounge bar upstairs, with an open-mic night once a week for Seattle's undiscovered talent to show off (although it often devolved into somewhat drunken karaoke which was usually hilarious) pool tables, and a quiz night once a month with a cash prize.

Casey's 'day-job' was as a dance teacher at a nearby studio – she'd majored in dance and minored in business and had opened the studio with another friend, Jet, who was a licensed nutritionist and physical therapist who taught some yoga classes during the week and often helped out at the bar on the weekends.

Casey and Caroline had been on cheer squad together and bonded over a love of dancing (and cheesy dance movies and old musicals). So she was not that surprised when Casey told her they were turning the lower basement levels of the building into a dance club. She loved the concept they finally chose – they were running with a kind-of speakeasy, underground dance club vibe and it was becoming pretty popular, just relying on word of mouth and the occasional curious bar-goer. Caroline was a silent partner, so she danced and drank for free.

Meredith had Joe's, but Caroline had _Phoenix_. She wasn't a big drinker, but when she really needed some stress relief she went to the club, had a few shots and hit the floor.

And today, she _really_ needed the stress relief.

She washed her face and took a deep breath. “I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.” she chanted to herself, feeling like she needed the reminder. Then she sighed and shook her head at herself. “It would be so much easier if I didn't.”

* * *

Meredith was still on probation for a couple more days which meant no O.R time, and she was stuck on scut – running labs and errands and pretty much anything else Dr. Bailey could think of to keep her busy and out of the way. She accepted her punishment for the most part with good grace, but Bailey's silence was worrying. Aside from direct instructions, she didn't speak to her once. She was basically invisible.

She'd been completely determined not to carry on the whole thing with Shepherd and then he showed up at the party looking all dreamy and she let the tequila do the thinking for her. Seriously? Why didn't they drive somewhere else? Instead of outside her house, just feet away from half the people that worked at the hospital?

So now she was avoiding him. She was trying not to be obvious about it but since she wasn't getting anywhere near an O.R and since he hardly ever picked up his own labs or did his own prep work she barely saw him.

The only advantage of Bailey's non-verbal requirement that Meredith stay out of her sight was that she could visit Caroline up in the SICU. She hadn't managed to catch up with her for over a week which was really inexcusable since they both spent a hundred hours a week in the same building.

She pushed through the double doors and saw her sister hurrying across the ward with at least six charts in her arms, looking pale, tired and not at all like her normal cheery self. _Well, that can't be good._ she thought. It took a lot to knock Caroline off her stride nowadays. Suddenly she felt a little guilty for dumping all her problems on Care recently.

She saw her head into a patient room and decided to wait at the admit desk for her. One of the nurses on duty looked up as she reached the desk. “Can I help you, Dr … ?”

“Oh, no. It's fine, I just came up to see my sister, but she looks really busy. Maybe I should come back.”

“You must be Meredith.” She nodded. “I'm Patrice. Nice to meet you.”

“Same. Should I come back later?”

Patrice shot a dark look at the on-call room door and then turned to face Meredith.

“Stick around, I'll grab her when she gets done with the Walters. It's been a long day and I haven't seen her take more than a five minute break yet, maybe you can convince her to go eat something before she collapses.”

Meredith's head shot up at that, concerned. “I'll definitely try.”

Patrice snorted. “Fair enough. She's stubborn as a mule when she wants to be, isn't she?”

Meredith grinned at the accurate picture of her little sister. “I'd say that was an understatement. Although sometimes the things she picks to be stubborn _about_ baffle me.”

“Mere?” Caroline appeared at her side, rubbing the gap between her brows like she was trying to wipe away a headache. “Everything okay?”

“I was just going to ask you that. Can you take your break yet? We can go to the cafeteria for a bit.”

She looked at the last two charts in her hands and bit her lip, looking from the on-call room door to the last patient room, considering. Patrice clucked her tongue and took the charts out of her hands.

“You know, I think I need to page Dr. Corden. His dialysis patient seems to have had a spike in his labs and I'm fairly sure you're in Radiology. Or were you off collecting labs? Oh dear, I'm awfully absent-minded today.”

Some of the tension ebbed from Caroline's shoulders and she shot Patrice a small but genuine smile. “You are the absolute best person ever.”

“Shoo, sweetie, that boy needs to get up and do his share. Bring me back a latte, we'll call it even.”

“Deal.”

* * *

In the cafeteria Meredith grabbed a salad and Caroline got a bowl of chunky vegetable soup, hoping it would at least warm her up.

“Spill, you look miserable and I got the impression Patrice wanted to send you home, not just to the cafeteria.”

Caroline smiled faintly at that. “She probably did. Patrice is lovely, she mothers everyone. And I'm fine, I'm not miserable. It's just been a long day. Long couple of days.”

“Hey. You've listened to my problems a bunch of times in the last couple of months, which I adore you for, but you have to let me return the favor sometimes or else I have to return my big sister card and that would be embarrassing. Do you want me to be embarrassed?”

Caroline smiled at her silliness. “You know, Mere, you look normal, and then you open your mouth ...”

Meredith grinned at her, unrepentant.

“Made you smile though. Which was the point. Now, share.”

So Caroline spilled out her frustrations and irritation with Dr. West and Miles, and her utter bewilderment at Dr. Corden's behaviour.

“The actual surgery, when I get to scrub in, is really interesting and the kidney transplant I assisted on the other week gave me such a high, I can't even describe it. I just don't like the atmosphere up there and I'm genuinely worried that Miles is going to mess up and get a patient killed, he's so negligent! If it was just Dr. West and his attitude I could live with it. I wouldn't like it, but I'd deal.”

“But?”

“But the only one I'm actually learning anything from is Dr. Gillies, and he isn't always there! The interns are supposed to be reporting to Miles but if he isn't ignoring them he's ordering them to do what he should be doing and isn't actually teaching them anything! He won't answer their questions or their pages so they keep coming to me to be shown things or helped with things and I have enough to do already!” her eyes were shining with frustrated tears as she got steadily more worked up and she brushed them away angrily.

“Oh, sunshine.” Meredith's voice was rich with sympathy. “Want to get drunk tonight? We could go to Joe's? I'm not on call and although I'm on tomorrow it's not like I'm allowed to do much.”

“Thanks, but I'm going to the club to meet Casey. You can come if you like?”

“That's okay, I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me much since that time I called her a vapid airhead.”

“That was years ago! You were going through your angry phase, I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it and she isn't the type to hold grudges.”

“Still.” She smiled. “I'm more into the 'drink until someone's hot enough to go home with' type of going out, I don't really fit in the whole dance club scene.” She paused. “And I totally meant it.”

“Hey! That's rude!” she said, but she was smiling. “I put up with Sadie and all your 'Death and Die' nonsense and she was awful to me!” Caroline protested. 

“That's true. Wow, I haven't thought about her in ages.”

“One day I'm going to drag you out to the club with me and you'll have a good time, you'll see.”

“You can try.” Meredith challenged, leaning back and cocking an eyebrow. “But you will fail.”

Caroline collapsed into giggles and Meredith smiled affectionately at her. _Better,_ she thought, watching with some satisfaction.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/26728835078/in/dateposted/)

Caroline went back to the floor to finish her shift. She stopped to drop off Patrice's latte with a smile for the older woman.

“Thanks.”

“For what?” she grinned. “Don't you have work to do?” she saluted her with her cup and Caroline rolled her eyes.

* * *

After dancing until the small hours of the morning, an exhausted but happier Caroline got home and crashed out for a few hours. 

She got up at nine because she was meeting with her contractor Neil about the next project for the house. She'd originally wanted to get rid of the wall on the first floor between the kitchen and the dining room and make it a large, open space, but unfortunately the wall turned out to be a load-bearing one and it wouldn't work.

Neil had offered a suggestion as a compromise and was bringing the plans for her to check before work started. Although they couldn't get rid of the wall, his suggestion had been to extend the doorway to more than double the width and then put in a large archway to let through the light. She liked the idea in principle but wanted to see the plans before she made a final decision.

She loved the plans and he agreed that work would start the following week.

When he left, she curled up in her favorite chair with a mug of hot cocoa and thought over the last few weeks.

She was trying to decide if she had overreacted or if something really did need to change, when she remembered something Casey had said to her the night before. She'd pointed out that, just because she wasn't being _taught_ , didn't mean she couldn't _learn_. Granted, they were at least five shots in by this point and it had sounded much wiser at the time, but she could think of a few ways she could teach herself the skills Dr. West was refusing to teach her. 

She'd have to give it more thought, but she was always happier with a plan.

* * *

Even up in the SICU they'd heard about the 80lb tumor case, and after her shift Caroline decided to join the crowd in the viewing gallery over the O.R.

“Wow.” she breathed out, taking the last empty seat.

“I know, can you believe the size of that thing?” Kiran, one of the ER residents asked and she shook her head in reply.

“How long have they been at it now?” she asked.

“Nearly eight hours. They aren't even halfway done from what they're saying.”

“Unbelievable.”

Kiran excused himself to go back to the ER, leaving an empty seat next to her which was filled not ten minutes later by Alex Karev.

“How is it?”

“Long, but slow. I don't envy those two, they've been holding that thing for eight hours now. Their arms have to be about ready to fall off.”

Alex hummed in agreement, his eyes on George and Cristina.

* * *

An hour or so later, a few more seats had opened up and Meredith made her way in to the gallery.

“God, it's unbelievable.” she said, taking the open seat on Alex's other side.

“Right?” Caroline said absently, eyes on the surgery below.

“How did she live like that?” 

“Watch what you say, you never know who's listening.” Alex said dryly, before suddenly chuckling. “Look at George. He looks like he's about to fall in.”

Meredith regarded him. “Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?”

“Yes.” Caroline answered for him and he swatted her arm playfully.

“No ...” He turned back to Meredith. “Do you want to go out for a drink later, and hear about my secret pain?”

She rolled her eyes. “Does that line ever work for you?” 

“Sometimes.” the corners of his mouth turned up slightly and Caroline snorted from his other side. He looked at her and she shrugged, unapologetic.

“It must be because you look … like that.” Meredith sounded amused as her sister snickered.

“Like what?” he asked with a fake innocent expression. She turned and looked at him, eyebrow raised and he chuckled again. “So, was that a yes?”

“No! I can't, I'm seeing someone.”

“Look, if you don't want to go out with me just say so. There's no need to lie.”

“Oh, okay. Then I don't want to go out with you.” she said and smiled, then turned back to watch the surgery. “But I think I really might be, seeing someone.”

“Apparently the Grey girls are immune to your particular brand of charm.” Caroline mused and he mock scowled at her. 

Just then Izzie interrupted the surgeons working on the tumor.

_”Mr Harper? The post-op heart patient in 2114? I had to open his sternotomy bedside.”_

_“What?”_ The chorus of shock from the surgeons working below was echoed by Alex next to her and had Caroline sitting up straighter to see what was happening. Alex shot up and out of the gallery, leaving Meredith and Caroline to exchange baffled looks. Meanwhile Izzie finished explaining the situation to the O.R.

_”He had cardiac tampanade. His chest films were clean this morning, it was just, it happened fast, he was in PEA, there was no time.”_

Dr. Shepherd told Burke he could handle it and Burke left to go check on his patient, while Alex caught up to Izzie in the scrub room, demanding to know why she didn't page him. Everyone was treated to a screaming match, ending with Izzie stomping on his smashed pager, calling him hateful and storming out, just as Annie's surgery went bad and they needed more blood.

Caroline and Meredith watched anxiously as Derek tried unsuccessfully to save her. Finally, he gave up.

_“Time of death is 11.42.”_

As everyone started moving away from the patient, pulling off masks, gowns and gloves, Alex came running back in, blood bags in hand. _”I got it!”_

Caroline saw the second it hit him that she was gone, and murmured to her sister. “So shallow, maybe, but not callous.”

Meredith nodded in agreement and they turned and left the gallery together.


	7. The Self-Destruct Button

**The Self-Destruct Button**

Since she was still being left out of most surgeries and didn't feel she was learning everything she could be, Caroline implemented a few of her plans over the next few days. 

Most of the transplant surgeries were taped and she reviewed every single one that she wasn't involved in, reviewing the post op notes and studying up on the methods used, making copious notes. She made use of the skills lab to practice some of the procedures she was unfamiliar with and although hands on training would be infinitely better, she noticed definite improvement even in a short time.

She made an effort with the interns, actually learning their names to start. Dr. Anton Simmons was an older intern, having put off Med. School until his wife was through law school and practicing. Dr. Miles' other intern Dr. Andre Diaz was a year younger than Meredith, having skipped a grade in middle school. Still older than her though. _Sigh._ Who wasn't?

She learned that they were both unhappy with Miles and didn't feel they were learning anything - except perhaps his coffee order. While she held her tongue on her opinion of Miles, she did involve them more in the procedures she was doing, allowing them to watch and quizzing them on the reasons why she was doing what she was doing. She could tell they appreciated the guidance which stopped her feeling guilty about her arguably inappropriate behavior.

Diaz asked her where she kept disappearing to one time that she was headed to the skills lab. She was planning to review Dr. West's latest surgery, a joint kidney and liver transplant, and she debated with herself for a second before answering.

“Residents need to learn too, you know, and you may have noticed I haven't got much O.R. time lately.”

He nodded. “Dr. Gillies has been out for a while, right?”

She raised an eyebrow and his cheeks reddened. 

“What? West doesn't often let you in the O.R. We notice stuff.” he babbled, defensively.

She sighed. “I review the surgeries, okay? I go to the skills lab, watch the tapes, make notes and practice my stitches and use the simulator to try the procedures.”

At his hopeful look she caved. “If you have time the two of you can come too.” She considered them a moment. “Actually, run by the cafeteria and get some bananas, I'll show you some different suture methods. The review would be good for me, anyway.”

“Bananas?” Simmons questioned.

“Yep. Pigs feet would be better, the skin has similar tensile strength to human skin, but we don't have time to get some. Tip for practice at home though.”

The interns exchanged a doubtful look.

“I'm serious! I keep a few in my freezer.”

“I'll go. I want a coffee anyway.” Diaz left for the cafeteria and she turned to Simmons with a questioning look.

“Won't Dr. Miles miss you on the floor? Don't you have assignments?”

“We only had to collect and deliver the morning labs, which we've done. He said something about washing his car but I'm going to assume that was a joke. And he'd have to be _on_ the floor to notice we're not. He's been gone two hours. We're bored.”

She giggled and then shrugged. “Whatever. Come on then, maybe you'll learn something.”

* * *

The mostly accidental co-opting of Dr. Miles' interns seemed to have flown under the radar but that one instance had set a precedent. Now, when she found some spare time she invariably had two shadows in the skills lab as she both taught and learned in fairly equal measure. She was pleased with her progress but even more pleased when Dr. Gillies returned at the end of the week, hoping for some actual surgery time.

She had just checked on Stella and was sat with Julia at the nurses station as she entered her updated labs onto the computer. She was checking them against her chart when she heard a throat being cleared behind her. She ignored the sound to finish what she was doing and then she heard it again.

“Dr. Grey, they need some assistance in the ER today, they're down three residents, two interns and four nurses, all out with the flu. We have a fairly light load at the moment so if you wouldn't mind going down to assist?” came Dr. West's slightly exasperated voice from behind Caroline. 

She turned and looked at him. Though phrased as a question, she was well aware she didn't actually have a choice, not that she really minded. She ignored Miles' hastily hidden smug smile behind Dr. West's back and gave the older man a sweet, if not entirely genuine, smile. “Not at all. I'll head down there shortly, I'll just update Dr. Gillies on his post-op patient in 3122.”

He nodded distractedly at her and strode off, calling for Miles to prep the O.R. for his next patient. Caroline rolled her eyes and Julia snorted next to her.

She grabbed Stella's chart and went to find Dr. Gillies.

She passed Diaz on his way in with a coffee for Miles and … was that his _dry cleaning?_ Okay, that was it. She had a thought and hid a slightly evil grin behind her normal serene expression.

“Dr. Gillies? Dr. West has asked that I help in the ER today due to the staff out with the flu, did he tell you?”

At his nod, she smiled. “Okay, well, I just wanted to update you on Ms. Abernathy. She looks good, no complications so far. Her vitals are steady and her latest tests are clear. She's mentioned some discomfort but a dose of morphine seems to have resolved that for now.”

“Thank you, she's on track to be discharged on schedule, maybe even early.” He shook his head with a smile. “Tough old bird.”

She grinned at that. Stella was a peach. “Considering the situation downstairs, do you think we can spare the interns to assist too? They could take over some of the suturing and basic exams and that would free up the other staff.”

“Good idea, we can certainly spare them today. If any of you are needed up here I'll have you paged.”

“Thank you, sir.” she beamed at him and went to collect the boys.

* * *

Walking into the ER she noticed that there were only two residents on the board – Kiran was one of them and she grabbed him as he was rushing past.

“Hey, cavalry's here, where do you want us?”

“You are an angel. Check with Sierra at the admit desk, she's the charge nurse today. This flu is crazy, half the team's out. The minions with you?” He indicated the two interns standing uncertainly behind her and she gave him a mischievous smile.

“Temporarily.”

“If they can suture they'll have plenty to do! There was an accident with a window being fitted on an office building. They dropped plate glass four storeys, lots of flying broken glass. Twelve people with minor injuries, mostly lacerations. They've all had initial exams and they're in the waiting room waiting to be stitched up, we just don't have the manpower to get to them all right now.”

She nodded at him, “They can. What else have you got?”

“Pregnant woman with complications in exam room two. Elderly man with dementia was brought in by the police, he's in exam room four I think. College kid with abdominal pain waiting for a surgical consult and an older guy with chest pain waiting on Cardio in exam room one and a baby with a rash waiting for a Peds consult over in room three. Um, then a couple of guys got injured on a construction site, they're getting work-ups in the trauma bays and about eight other people I haven't got to yet, not to mention anyone else in the waiting room.”

“Right.” she blinked. “I'll get them started on the sutures and then go check in with Sierra.”

Kiran looked gratefully at her and moved to leave. “Kiran?”

He turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“Is it always like this?”

He just grinned and hurried away.

“Huh.” She turned back to Diaz and Simmons. “Okay minions, time to prove you actually learned something this week.”

* * *

Meredith came down to do a consult for Claire Rice, the college kid with abdominal pain. Caroline didn't envy Mere that one, the mother was less than maternal and it was obviously pushing all of Meredith's 'bad mom' buttons.

When she spotted Caroline she did a double take. “What are you doing down here?”

“Flu has everyone short-staffed and Dr. West felt I was the most easily spared from the SICU.” She looked up at Meredith guiltily. “I might have stolen the interns too.” Being aware of Caroline's recent activities Meredith just laughed at her.

“How are you, you aren't feeling sick are you?”

“No, I'm fine. Pretty sure Cristina's coming down with it, she won't go home though, she's stubborn.”

“Because staying and infecting more doctors and potentially passing it on to patients in recovery is better?”

“Well … it's Cristina, so...”

They exchanged a look and Caroline sighed and changed the subject.

“Are you the surgical consult we ordered?” 

“Yep. Just another one of Bailey's hoops.” At Caroline's questioning look Meredith explained that Bailey was finally talking to her again, but was burying her in work, calling it the hoops she had to jump through. She firmed her jaw and straightened. “I can take it, whatever else she dishes out.”

“But?” Caroline prodded.

“But this has been a very long day and it isn't even nearly over.” she sighed heavily. “Okay. Anyone who says you can sleep when you die, tell them to come talk to me after a few months as an intern. Of course, it's not just the job that keeps us up all night. I mean, if life's so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? What's up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know, maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”

Well-versed in translating Meredith's stream of consciousness babbles, Caroline just smiled. “So you and Shepherd are a thing now? A real thing, not just a sex thing?”

Meredith brightened immediately. “We are distinctly thing-like. He sleeps over and everything, but we haven't really talked about it. Hey, did you ever remember where you thought you knew him from?” she asked, curious.

Caroline frowned and racked her brain again. “Honestly I forgot about it, but no. Thanks, that will nag at me all day now!” Meredith snickered at Caroline's pout. “It's like that left the oven on feeling. I know there's something ...”

“Don't worry about it, maybe you just read something he published or heard him mentioned by Chief Webber?”

“Maybe.” she allowed. “Anyway, I better go. Have fun with your hoops!”

“Thanks _so_ much. I feel the sisterly love, I really do.”

Caroline blew her a kiss as she left laughing.

* * *

“Dr. Grey? There's a trauma coming in.” Sierra poked her head into the suture room.

“Be right there.” She turned to Diaz and Simmons. “One of you needs to stay here and help suture – there's at least six people still waiting with minor injuries, but the other one can come and assist. Decide between yourselves, Ro Sham Bo it out, flip a coin, I don't care. I will try and make sure you both get some relevant experience while we're down here but it likely won't be at the same time, it's too busy. Decide quickly then one of you gown up and meet me in trauma one.”

She hustled off to the ambulance bay and they exchanged a look before Simmons shrugged and held out a closed fist. “On three?”

* * *

Caroline went to meet the ambulance with Nurse Debbie and they helped each other into gowns before she hastily scraped her hair back into a ponytail.

“What do we have?” she asked.

“Dispatch said suspected DUI. Teenage girl driver hit a stop sign at speed. Head injury and possible fracture.” the older nurse shared what she knew as they listened to the siren approaching.

She never got used to the initial burst of information when a patient was being brought in by ambulance. A lot of information gets reeled off at once and you have to absorb it and act on it quickly. 

The ambulance doors opened and a guy jumped out, started pulling out the gurney from the back and starting to report the patient's condition.

“Adolescent woman in a motor vehicle accident, car versus stop sign, signs of intoxication and no I.D.”

The paramedic continued his report as they wheeled her into trauma one. “She was breathing okay at the scene but her stats started to fall as we pulled in and there was no time to intubate. She has a small head laceration but it doesn't seem serious. Her arm may be fractured, looked like she tried to stop the airbag. Nose is broken and she has some abdominal bruising – left leg sustained some damage on impact but doesn't seem to be broken.”

Caroline was already checking her vitals and shining her penlight into her eyes to check pupil response.

“Thanks, AJ.” she read his name off his badge.

“Alright team, on my count.” They all grabbed hold and prepared to shift her from the gurney to the exam table. “One, two, three.”

AJ excused himself and Caroline eyed Diaz. “Have you ever seen an intubation? Or done one?” she asked and he shook his head in the negative. She moved to the patient's head and indicated he should stand next to her and watch.

One of the trauma nurses, Katrina she thought, passed her a tube and she thanked her. Katrina drew blood and started an IV while Debbie busied herself hooking the girl up to the monitors and starting to cut her out of her damaged clothes.

Her blood pressure was increasing as she was struggling to breathe, the machines beeping madly in the background.

“Okay, Diaz, pay attention, this is where it counts.” 

“Visualize the cords, you don't want to miss the trachea and end up in her esophagus.” She concentrated for a second, guiding the tube into the girl's throat. “Okay, it's in. Bag her, please.” Katrina attached the bag and started pumping. 

“Listen to the lungs and the abdomen to make sure the tube is in place.” she instructed, doing just that and moving to one side so he could listen too. 

She glanced at the monitor to check her vitals just as Katrina called out “BP down and holding steady, 80 over 60.”

“Do we have her blood alcohol yet?” 

Debbie moved to the scanner and tore off the print out, reviewing it quickly before she whistled lowly. “It's high, Dr. Grey. 321mg.” She said, attaching the printout to the chart.

“Whoa.” Diaz murmured, “No wonder she passed out.”

Caroline shot him a look and retorted “Could also have something to do with the head injury, Dr. Diaz.” She looked back at the banged up teen in the hospital bed and bit her lip. “But it probably didn't help.”

“Can someone grab the portable ultrasound? I don't like the look of that abdominal bruising.” 

“On it, Dr. Grey.”

* * *

Their Jane Doe turned out to be surgical, the ultrasound revealed internal injuries and when her vitals dropped precipitously she made the decision to open her up and do an exploratory laparotomy. After getting Kiran to countersign the forms in the absence of family to consent, an O.R. was booked and she invited Diaz to scrub in with her. She'd done the procedure with assistance from Dr. Bailey before and knew she was capable, but had her paged anyway in case of complications.

The laparotomy revealed damage to the spleen had caused bleeding into her abdomen, requiring a splenectomy. That, she had only done before on a cadaver but she'd seen it twice and was fairly sure she could do it, just not certain. She looked up at the gallery and noted Bailey standing there, watching her with a proud look on her face. She nodded at the door and Bailey raised her eyebrow and hit the intercom.

“Dr. Grey, is there a problem?”

“There's extensive damage to the spleen and it needs removal. Are you available to assist?”

“Of course.” Bailey came down and scrubbed in while Caroline mostly worked on controlling Jane Doe's bleeding.

Eyeing Caroline, Bailey moved to join her but made no moves to take over. She'd lost some of her confidence in the SICU apparently. 

“So what's next?” She took her through the steps and had her carry them out. Caroline knew the procedure but had been doubting herself, which she realized about the same time Bailey did and mentally kicked herself for the momentary weakness.

They finished up with no complications and she allowed Diaz to help her close. He was practically bouncing with adrenaline when they scrubbed out so she sent him to take her to recovery and then to take over suturing from Simmons. She told him to pass on the message to Simmons that he could take a break if he wanted or to see Sierra for instructions if not.

When he left, she closed her eyes briefly, exhaled and then turned to Bailey, not knowing what to expect from the woman she looked up to so much.

“How's the SICU?” Bailey asked, watching her face closely.

“It's fine. Dr. Gillies is a good teacher.”

“Hmm. I thought you didn't have interns this year.”

“I don't.”

“And yet.”

“And yet.”

Bailey sighed. “Don't take on responsibility that isn't yours, Caroline. You'll have it soon enough and it isn't all it's cracked up to be.”

“It wasn't intentional.” Caroline blurted. “It just kind of … happened.”

Bailey cracked a smile. “Anyone else, that could be taken in so many other ways.” She shook her head. “You were one of the best interns I ever got to teach. You're a good surgeon and we both know you didn't need me in there. What's going on with you?” she asked, honestly curious.

“It was just a moment of doubt. Does that never happen to you?”

“Not often anymore. You just need to not let outside influences affect you in here. You know best what you can do, don't let anyone tell you different. Or let the opinion of one old man get to you.”

Caroline's eyes shot to Bailey's and Bailey smirked. “I'm Bailey. I know everything.”

Care snorted, “Or so you'd have us all believe. I think you must have this place bugged. Or do you have a spy network? I'll figure your secrets out one day.”

“Feel free to try.”

* * *

The rest of her shift flew by in the busy emergency room and a little over an hour before the end of their shift, the interns were paged back up to the SICU. They both thanked her and she waved them off, going back to the paperwork that had piled up over the last few hours.

When she was done she got changed and was heading out when she got paged to the Chief's office.

When she got there she saw Dr. Miles heading out looking even more smug than usual. _Uh oh._ she thought. _Busted._

She shrugged to herself and tapped on the door with a wave and smile for Patricia. She stood by her actions.

“Ah, Dr. Grey, come in. Have a seat.”

She remained standing, unsure of his tone. “What's this about, Chief Webber?” addressing him formally in response to his own greeting.

“Dr. Miles has raised some concerns and I'd like an explanation. Sit down Caroline.” His tone was serious and he wasn't smiling.

She dropped gracelessly into the chair he indicated. “This is an overreaction.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/40608291451/in/dateposted/)

“So you do know why you're here? Dr. Miles is unhappy that you've been distracting his interns. You took them out of the SICU today without his approval and he was unable to adequately cover patient care in their absence.”

“So he came straight to you? Over. Reaction.” She repeated, with emphasis. When he looked unmoved she huffed.

“I'm sure he offered full disclosure. I'm sure when he made his complaint he explained that I had been reassigned due to the staff shortages and that the interns came with me with the full permission of Dr. Gillies as they were not needed in the SICU?”

Richard opened his mouth but she ignored him and continued.

“I'm sure he also mentioned that his intern's responsibilities when he is actually on the SICU floor and not visiting his girlfriend in Dermatology mostly consists of fetching him coffee, getting his dry cleaning and occasionally delivering labs?”

“Caroline ...”

“I'm also sure that this is the first time he even noticed, which is ridiculous considering I've been teaching his interns for the last couple of weeks since he can't be bothered.”

“You done?” 

She thought for a second about mentioning his asshole-ish behaviour and decided not to.

“I suppose so.”

“It's an unspoken rule that a resident manages their own interns without interference. I know you are aware of this rule.”

She nodded reluctantly.

“That said, as his complaint only addressed today, and you had permission from an attending who outranks the both of you, I won't be taking it any further. Just, be careful Caroline. Don't make enemies you don't need. I have to be objective in these situations, regardless of personal feelings or opinions.”

“Are you Uncle Richard again now?”

He nodded. “Do you have something to tell me outside of my role as Chief?”

“I'm pretty sure he'll screw up and kill a patient soon enough that him being my enemy won't matter as he'll get fired. If we're done here?” She moved to get up as there was a knock at the door.

“Come in.” 

Diaz and Simmons nearly fell through the door in their haste to get in and Caroline hid her smile.

“Dr. Grey has taught us more in the last two weeks than Dr. Miles has since we started and she shouldn't get in trouble for that!” Simmons blurted, looking nervous to be speaking to the Chief.

Diaz backed him up. “We heard Dr. Miles saying that she would probably get put on probation for being an interfering bi… well, he said she was probably in trouble and we didn't think that was right. We asked her to show us stuff so if anyone should be in trouble, it should be us.”

“...” Chief Webber looked at Caroline who looked touched by their well-intentioned defense.

“Gentlemen, Dr. Grey is not in trouble, and although I applaud your loyalty, if you have an issue with your resident you should have reported that to me instead of approaching a third year resident. If the issue is serious we can see about allocating you to a different resident.”

They exchanged a look and Diaz shrugged. “We'd like to make a complaint.”

“Very well.” the Chief said, sounding a bit harassed. “Wait outside for a few minutes please, while Dr. Grey and I conclude our meeting?”

The boys reluctantly left and she smiled wanly at her godfather.

“I swear, I had nothing to do with that.”

* * *

She spoke to Diaz and Simmons briefly before she left, thanking them for their kind words but jokingly telling them not to risk their career for her again unless they were absolutely sure she needed it.

They both blushed and she laughed and pulled them both into a brief hug. “Idiots.” she said, affectionately.

They went in to make their complaint and she headed to the intern's locker room to try and track down Meredith before heading home. She was thankful she wasn't in until late the following day, she needed time to process everything, hopefully with her sister to talk to about it.

* * *

Leaning around the door frame she saw Alex fling the handlebars of the rowing machine on the floor and put his head in his hands.

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, concerned.

He grunted, then snapped at her. “What do you care?”

“Watch your tone, Karev. You just look like you needed a friend, but never mind. Have you seen my sister?”

“She already left.” He hesitated. “Sorry, for snapping.”

She sighed and sat on the bench, pulling one leg up to lean on. “Bad days all round I guess.”

“Something like that. I lost a patient today. Digby. First guy I met here from back home.”

“So you're sad, and maybe a little homesick. It happens. Are you off now?”

“Yeah, I finished like an hour ago. Just didn't want to go home.”

“Come on. Let's go.”

“What? Where?” He looked up at her, confused.

“I've had a weird day too. So we're going out. I'll buy you a beer. Then I want pizza. Do you like pizza?”

“Doesn't everyone like pizza?”

“Right answer.”

He shrugged into a sweater and followed her out to her car. “Why are you doing this?”

She looked at him, amused. “Why are you always asking me why? Just go with it, it'll make your life easier.” She got in and pushed open the passenger door.

“So, Mere said you run to work.”

“Yeah?” 

“Oh, she said it with the normal amount of disgust she reserves for anyone doing anything resembling exercise,” she informed him, “But she told me because she worries that I run in the morning on my own, even though it's rare that I actually am on my own. I have a couple of friends I usually run with in Colman Park. When we have more time, sometimes we run the I-90 trail.”

“Nice.” 

“You're welcome to join whenever you like. Jack, my neighbour, owns the gym near my house and his wife runs my boxercise class, when I actually get there. They both run fairly often, and then there's Dan and Eric. They're brothers who live a few blocks away, I actually met them through Debbie, from work.” 

“I know what you said, but ...”

“You still want to know why?”

“Yeah.”

Considering her words she decided to just be blunt.

“You need friends.” 

“What?”

“You're homesick. The other interns are still mostly excluding you, although they have their reasons, and you're finding yourself relating to a guy who got his friend to shoot him to augment his tattoo and because he liked pain. That's …. worrying. So, you need friends.”

He bit back his initial response as she pulled into the parking lot of a cheery looking restaurant, not wanting to offend her when he was pretty sure she was just genuinely trying to be nice.

“I'll think about it. The running thing, meeting those guys.”

She gave him an approving smile and he rolled his eyes. “So where are we?”

“This is Nonna's, you've never been here? She emigrated from Italy in the sixties and they cook all authentic food, including the best pizza, seriously. Her son mostly runs the restaurant now, but she still comes in most days. She tells the best stories.”

He smiled at her excitement and followed her in. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to make a friend.


	8. Save Me

**Save Me**

 

Armed with take-out cannoli, Caroline let herself into her mom's house with her key and followed the sound of Meredith and Izzie's giggling to the kitchen.

“Hey, Caroline, want some cake?”

“Hi Izzie. I'm good, thanks. I have cannoli though, if you guys want?” she offered, setting the box on the counter and lifting the lid to show them. “There's white chocolate, coffee and spiced cream.”

“Ooh, yes please!” Izzie took a white chocolate one and took a bite. “That's so good!” she exclaimed through a mouthful of cream and pastry.

“You went to Nonna's without me?” Meredith pouted. “I love that place.” She helped herself to a coffee one and dropped it on the plate with the remains of her slice of cake. 

“You'd already left! I tried to find you. It was a really weird day.”

“Yeah? How was the pit?”

“The pit? I thought you were doing your rotation in the SICU?” Izzie asked, confused.

“I'm meant to be.” Caroline huffed a bit. “For whatever that's worth. They're short-handed in the pit due to the flu and apparently I am easily spared.” She pouted and Meredith watched her face carefully.

“Oh, you aren't even annoyed anymore, you can't fool me. You enjoyed it down there!” Meredith gasped out.

Caroline bit her lip to try to stop the smile but a dimple peeked out and Meredith threw a dish towel at her.

She caught it easily and admitted it. “It was nice to feel like a real doctor. People respect me down there, it's not like that in the SICU. Or it wasn't, I don't even know anymore.” She sighed. 

“Did you get in trouble for stealing the interns? I heard you got called to see the Chief.”

She blew a raspberry. “Please. The day I can't talk myself out of something like that I'll quit surgery and become an exotic dancer.”

“Ha. Like you're coordinated enough for that!”

“Hey!” She threw the towel back at Meredith and, not expecting it, it hit her full in the face. Izzie started giggling and Caroline smirked at her. “Serves you right.”

Meredith rolled her eyes at her before polishing off the rest of her cake.

“Someone did though, get in trouble I mean. Did you hear about Dr. Taylor?”

“The anesthesiologist?”

“Yeah, he got thrown out of the O.R for falling asleep. Apparently he'd been drinking at work and now he's been suspended.”

“Was that Shepherd's hemispherectomy?”

“I think so. Anyway, I need a favor.”

“Really? What do you need?” Meredith was intrigued. Caroline was fierce about her independence. She never usually asked for _anything._

“I was hoping I could use my old room for a week or so – the contractors are taking longer than expected in my kitchen and I need more sleep than I've been getting, plus access to a working kitchen would be nice!”

“Sure. You always have a room here, you know that. There's boxes in it right now but we can move them.”

“As long as there's a path to and from the bed, Mere, I'm sure it'll be fine. You sure it's okay?”

“Absolutely. Stay as long as you need. I'm sure George won't mind and Iz doesn't, do you?”

“I did wonder about why there was a spare room. And I doubt you're as noisy as your sister so I don't mind.” Izzie was curious if Caroline was in the loop on the whole Shepherd thing.

“Noisy? Meredith? Really?” she gave Izzie a doubtful look.

“Well, mostly when she brings someone home for the night. Like a certain Neuro attending.” she tested.

“You found out about that, huh?” 

“You knew!” Izzie screeched. “Cristina knew, Caroline knew, are the people you live with the last to know?”

“Iz! She's my sister, come on. I told her about it the first night, when I didn't know who he even was, of _course_ I told her the rest.”

“If it's any consolation, I told her it was a bad idea.”

“It's not.” Izzie's tone was frosty. 

“Oooh kay.” Caroline looked between them uncomfortably. “Well, I better go. I'll bring my stuff over tomorrow after work?” 

“That's fine.” Meredith said, eyes on Izzie whose pretty face was scrunched up into a scowl. “Let me know if you need any help or anything.”

“I'm sure I'll be fine, but thanks. Walk me out, Mere?”

Meredith shot her sister a questioning look but followed her readily enough to the front door.

“I'm sorry for whatever I said to set … that ... off.” she said quietly, waving vaguely in the direction of the kitchen where they could hear Izzie angrily banging her pots and pans around, presumably cleaning them.

Meredith sighed. “Don't even worry about it. Seriously. She and George saw Shepherd leaving this morning and they … didn't take it well.”

“Ah. More hoops?”

“More hoops.” she sighed, resigned.

“Are you sure you know what you're doing, Mere?” she asked, concerned. “This won't make your intern year any easier, you know?”

“I like him, Caroline. More than I thought I would.” Meredith's voice was quiet and she wouldn't meet her eyes.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/40994720032/in/dateposted/)

“I want you to be happy. Does he make you happy?”

She looked up. “I think he could.” She smiled softly. “I really think he could.”

“Then that's all I need to know.” She hugged her and after a second, Meredith relaxed and hugged back.

“I don't know what I did to deserve you for a sister but I'm glad I did it, whatever it was.” she murmured over her shoulder.

“You were really, really good in a past life?” Caroline snickered, pulling back. “Get some sleep, you look exhausted.”

“Look in a mirror, maybe?” Meredith retorted and Caroline pulled a face. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Mere.” she waved and headed out to her car. As she was pulling off Meredith's street she saw Shepherd pulling in. She frowned at his car as it passed her. She hoped he was as nice as he seemed. She had a bad feeling.

* * *

When she arrived at work the next day she was surprised to see Diaz and Simmons waiting at the nurse's station for her with Patrice.

“What's going on, guys?” They exchanged a look and she raised a brow in question.

“We just wanted to let you know that Dr. Miles is on the warpath?”

“Okay?” she said confused. “Why, exactly? I'm not the one that went straight to the Chief about a minor disagreement.”

“He's on probation because of our complaint. But he seems to blame you. Sorry.” Simmons winced.

She shrugged. “Whatever. What can he really do?”

“Well … he's been speaking with Dr. West ...” Patrice murmured.

She was cut off as the attending in question rounded the corner, scowling when he saw Caroline. The interns scurried away trying to look busy and she resisted the urge to snicker at them. _Not the time, Caroline._

He strode over to her and she forced her expression to remain calm and politely inquiring. When he finally stopped next to her he was a little too close and she was forced to look up at him, wishing not for the first time that she was a little taller than her modest five feet and three and a half inches. Especially as Dr. West was a tall man himself, standing somewhere over six foot.

“Did you need something, Dr. West?” she asked politely, “I'm just about to start my shift.”

“Don't bother. You are assigned to the ER again, they're still understaffed and apparently you at least have some use down there. One of the interns is to go with you. Don't think about taking them both and leaving us short-handed again!”

She fought the urge to roll her eyes and just nodded. Patrice was less circumspect, pulling a face behind his back.

“While we're on the subject, I don't appreciate you using your … feminine influence …” he wrinkled his nose, “to lead the interns astray.”

She blinked at that.

“They should be learning from the resident they have been assigned to, without your interference.”

“Yes, they should be.” she agreed with a straight face.

“Hmph. Get out of here and make yourself useful. I've asked for a report on your activities from Dr. Cannick. He's the attending on call in the pit today.”

“I'll go down now then.” she replied, not at all concerned about spending more time in the pit, but regretting the potential loss of surgery time. Although considering the mood Dr. West was apparently in, she was unlikely to have been allowed in the O.R anyway, and Dr. Gillies was out until the afternoon.

When he'd stomped off to his office she waved the interns back over. “So which one of you minions wants to spend the day in the pit, and who wants to stay up here?”

* * *

Sierra was on desk duty again when she strolled into the ER, Simmons trailing behind her.

“Where's your other duckling?” she asked, gesturing at Simmons who huffed at the nickname. 

Caroline pouted. “The jig is up. I was only allowed to borrow one today.”

“Duckling isn't very manly. Can't we stick with minion? Or henchman? I could be a believable henchman.” he was muttering behind her and Sierra grinned.

“Expanding into minor villainy, Dr. Grey?” she asked. “I thought only villains had henchmen.”

“Depends who you ask.” she replied with a sunny smile. “Apparently some people believe me to be evil incarnate, leading the poor innocent interns astray with my womanly wiles.”

Simmons snorted and Sierra choked at that.

“Who …?” she spluttered.

“Never mind. People will believe what they want to believe. I learned that a long time ago.”she shrugged.

“I have yet to see these so-called womanly wiles – have you been holding out on me?” Simmons asked, tongue firmly in cheek.

“The only wiles you should be interested in Anton, are those of your lovely wife. How _is_ Sarah?”

He mock pouted at her. “You're no fun.”

“That's me, Dr. No fun Grey.” she grinned at him and turned back to Sierra. “So, what've we got today?”

* * *

After her shift she went home, packed a few bags of clothes and necessities and piled them in her car. She tutted as she made her way out past the construction site on her first floor, irritated at the mess.

Completely exhausted, she pulled up to Meredith's house and parked. She sat there for a few minutes just staring at the house, hands resting on the steering wheel. She'd never planned on coming back here, at least to stay anyway. Room-mates too, that was … new. Maybe she'd gotten too used to having her house to herself.

“It's only for a week or so. How bad could it be?” she asked herself as she got out and collected her bags from the trunk. Slamming it shut she looked up at the house again and shivered as the sun went behind a cloud.

“Well, that was either a freaky coincidence or I should really learn not to ask that question.” she muttered, drily. “And I'm talking to myself. Again.” She shook her head at herself and headed in.

* * *

After her eventful few shifts in the pit, Caroline was back in the SICU.

Not much had changed, although Dr. Miles did seem to be making a half-hearted effort to teach his interns, presumably wary of his probation.

Stella was discharged, having bounced back from her surgery much quicker than expected and it was a bittersweet day for Caroline. She was glad Stella was well enough to leave, but the cheerful old woman had been a bright spot for her in the SICU and she was sorry to see her go.

Dr. Gillies had apparently picked up on the tension between herself and Dr. West and seemed to be making an effort to keep her on his service. She wasn't going to question it, as she finally got some O.R time. Despite this, she still spent the majority of her time dealing with his post-ops and pre-ops, so she was back to self-study just minus the intern shadows.

It felt like the calm before a storm. Even the nursing staff seemed subdued as the days passed and the atmosphere didn't change.

She avoided Dr. West as much as possible and Dr. Miles seemed to be on opposite shifts most days, for which she was grateful. Confrontation wasn't really her thing.

* * *

A little over a week after she'd temporarily moved in, Caroline padded sleepily into the kitchen, having thrown a robe and thick socks over her pyjamas. She was not entirely comfortable wearing a vest and booty shorts in front of George and Derek. She also wasn't ready to call him Derek yet, at least to his face.

“Morning, guys.” she greeted.

“Cupcake?” George held the tray out to her.

“Ooh, yummy!” she took one with a smile. “Thanks.”

“Izzie bakes a lot.” he shrugged.

“Eight hours, sixteen ounces of chocolate and thirty two cupcakes, and they still don't taste right!” Izzie complained as Caroline grabbed a glass from the cupboard and juice from the fridge.

“No!” George denied through a mouthful of cupcake. “These are good! Martha Stewart would be proud.” He nodded in emphasis.

“Yeah, look where it got her.” Izzie muttered, sharing a look with Caroline who snorted and slipped into a seat at the table with her juice and cupcake.

“There's something missing. Some specific ingredient. Why can't I remember?”

“Look,” George said, leaning over the counter, a picture of earnestness. “Just call her. Call your mother and ask.”

“I don't wanna call my mother.” Izzie muttered, turning away and scrutinizing her recipe cards as if they held all the answers.

George opened his mouth to say something else when Dr. Shepherd walked in with a cheerful “Good morning,” Meredith trailing behind him.

“Hey. You guys want a cupcake?” George offered and Derek shook his head. “Izzie made them.”

Derek continued his conversation with Meredith as he reached into the cupboard for the muesli. “You know, I like it here. You said so yourself, you like to have your things around, sleeping in your own bed...” He grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard and headed to the table.

Meredith had slid into the seat next to Caroline so he sat down opposite Meredith and smiled at her.

George spoke up. “You're like a health nut, aren't ya?” At Derek's confused look he elaborated. “You eat muesli every morning.”

“No, I don't” he denied.

Izzie and Caroline exchanged a look, amused. “Okay, the muesli thing? You do.” she said.

“The last seven days, at least.” Caroline quietly agreed.

“Oh, come on!” He looked around at each of them in turn. “I haven't been here for a whole week … have I?”

When no one answered him he slumped a little in his seat and looked back at Meredith, a little shocked.

“See?” she said, “Even they think it's weird.” 

Caroline giggled and pushed away from the table.

“Okay, I'm going to get changed and go for a run. I'm not on until nine.”

“You meeting up with Alex?” Meredith asked, curious. Izzie's head perked up at the potential gossip.

Caroline glanced up at the clock. “Yep. He'll be here in fifteen so I need to go change.”

As soon as she'd left the room Izzie started questioning Meredith over the sound of George's groans. “Is there something going on with them?”

Meredith chuckled. “You are such a gossip, Iz! No, I don't think so. They're just friends, as weird as that is.”

“Your sweet baby sister and the jackass? Friends? Definitely weird. Like, what do they even have in common?” Izzie said, pulling a disgusted face.

“They both like running? I don't know! What can I say, she's like the jock-whisperer.” Meredith shrugged and Derek snickered.

“Well, that fits.”

Izzie just looked confused. “What?”

“She gets on well with jock types, is all I'm saying. And Alex is definitely a jock. She probably just decided to befriend him, and with my sister? He wouldn't have had the chance to say no. She can be a steamroller when she wants to be.”

“And you think that's what's going on?”

Meredith thought for a second how best to explain it. “She has this habit of gaining big brother types all the time. In high school, in college, seriously, it's crazy. She doesn't even do it on purpose.”

“Nope.” Caroline smiled, bounding back in dressed for a run. She grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and shrugged. “I'm just lucky like that.”

The doorbell rang and she whizzed back out again, blowing Meredith a kiss on the way and leaving the group in the kitchen a bit stunned.

“How much of that do you think she heard?” Izzie asked, looking a little guilty.

Meredith just shrugged, knowing Caroline wouldn't care.

* * *

She'd only been working for a couple of hours when Dr. Gillies called her into his office.

“Hi, Dr. Grey. Have a seat.”

“Am I in trouble?” she asked, not entirely joking, though she couldn't think of any reason why she might be.

His eyebrows headed to his hairline. “Is there a reason why you should be?” 

She shook her head no. “Not that I can think of.” She'd barely been back in the SICU for a full week and she hadn't made any waves in that time, so she was at a bit of a loss.

“As I'm sure you were aware, Dr. West asked Dr. Cannick to supervise you closely while you were down in the pit. I don't necessarily agree with his motivation for doing so but it has brought us to our current situation.”

“I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did he give me a bad report?”

“Quite the opposite. In fact, you impressed him. You see, one of their residents has decided to enlist and we are required to release him from the program with no penalties. Unfortunately this leaves them somewhat short staffed and although they have someone interested from the wait-list, it will be at least two weeks or more likely three weeks to a month until they can join us at Seattle Grace.” he smiled at her and leaned back in his chair, hands folded on the desk in front of him. “Chief Webber made the decision that a resident could most easily be spared from the surgical program to assist them, and you were then requested by name.”

She thought that over for a moment. “I don't mind assisting them, but I'm a surgical resident, not an emergency medicine resident. Am I even suitable to fill in? And how will this affect my rotation schedule? Will I have to extend my time in the SICU once I return?”

“Based on what Dr. Cannick said, he believes you to have the right temperament to work down there and you made a good impression so far. You will be overseen by the attendings and senior residents, of course. As far as your schedule goes, you'll need to keep up on your studies for this rotation in your own time, but we had no real objection to cutting your time here short and, should you agree, you will be moving on at the planned time. If an exceptional case comes in or there is a particularly busy day here we may steal you back for a short time. Do you have any other questions?”

“I don't think so?”

She felt a bit overwhelmed. Oh, she fully appreciated the compliment they were paying her, but she still wanted to be a surgeon and as little O.R time as she was getting it was still more than none. That said, the pit was never boring and less time around the delightful duo was a good selling point, especially if she wouldn't have to make that time back. The keeping up with her studies remark amused her, since that was pretty much what she'd been doing since she got there.

“You can say no to the request if you like and we will ask someone else, but I don't think you want to, do you?”

She bit her lip and dimpled at him and he huffed, an amused little noise.

“Don't let them convince you to stay down there. You have the potential to be a great surgeon.”

“Thank you.” Her response was quiet but heartfelt.

“Well, no time like the present. Run along, now. Ask for Dr. Cannick, I think he wants to have a quick word before you get started.”

* * *

She tracked down Dr. Cannick, who was a friendly-looking older guy in his early forties. She'd not interacted much with him the few days she's spent assisting but she vaguely remembered him from her intern year. 

“Ah, Dr. Grey! I'm glad you agreed to help us out. Just a couple of things before you get started. You seem to have a handle on the basic system we have down here from your time with us last week ...”

He gave her a quick rundown of the policies and procedures that were specific to the ER that she might not be aware of, and gave her an amended shift schedule for the next two weeks. 

“Down here we usually wear brown scrubs, but as you're still technically a surgical resident you can choose whether or not to stick with the blue.” She nodded, having no intention of wearing the brown scrubs unless she absolutely had to.

“Now, I noticed last week that you were particularly instructive with your intern.”

“Oh, he wasn't my intern, he just came down to assist.”

“Nevertheless. We have a few medical students roaming around, so feel free to pull one in and teach them something when you can. It's a bit of a free for all.”

She nodded and he carried on. Finally he sent her off to the desk to start dealing with patients and she took a minute to breathe, head spinning with all the new information.

“Hey. I hear Cannick stole you from the SICU for a few weeks since Tom quit.”

“You ever just stop and think 'What just happened?'” she asked, looking dazed. 

Sierra just smiled. “You get that a lot down here.”

* * *

For the pit, it was a fairly quiet day, not that anyone would say that out loud.

The police brought in an old man who'd been found wandering in the park. They believed he'd wandered away from a care home and after taking all the details of where they'd found him, she asked one of the ER interns to call round the nearby homes to see if anyone was missing him.

It only took three calls before they got hold of Evergreen Park, who confirmed they were missing a 72 year old Mr. Richter. They said they would send someone over to collect him, but if he got agitated, play him music and he'd calm down. Specifically big band music from the forties and early fifties if possible.

They hunted up a CD player from the lounge, Caroline grabbed a Glenn Miller CD from her car and they set him up comfortably in the curtain areas near the desk so they could keep an eye on him easily.

Shortly after, paramedics brought in a heavily pregnant woman who was already crowning on the gurney as they wheeled her in. Caroline had to put her hand on the babies head to keep it in while they wheeled her into a trauma room, it was coming that quickly.

It wasn't the first time she'd delivered a baby but it was the first time she'd done it without supervision from an attending or senior resident in the room with her. Luckily it was a straightforward birth and the happily exhausted mother went straight up to the maternity ward with her healthy baby.

“We've got a trauma coming in, we need you.” 

Malcolm, one of the nurses, hurried her out to the ambulance doors, tossing her a gown on the way. She tightened her ponytail and snapped on fresh gloves just as the ambulance screeched to a halt.

“Alright, what do we have?” she asked as AJ jumped down, already pulling on the gurney.

“28 year old male, motorcycle accident, no helmet.” They exchanged a grim look. “We tubed him in the field. Pulse is 110, BP 140 over 90, shallow resps. Left pupil blown, GCS 4.” He paused. “License says his names Erik Fields. He's an organ donor.”

“Okay, let's get him into a trauma bay.” With a GCS of 4 he was unlikely to ever regain consciousness but they had to try.

“There's another rig behind us. He got hit by a car, the driver's coming in.”

“How bad?”

“Not sure, but she was still alive when we left.”

“Malcolm, where's Kiran?”

“His chest pain patient coded, cardio took them up.”

“Can someone page him? I can't be in two places at once.”

“Don't bother, I'm here, what's the situation?” 

She quickly told him and he sent her off to meet the incoming trauma, taking over with Mr. Fields.

She got back to the doors just as the ambulance pulled in.

“What do we have?” she asked as Jill sprang out of the doors. She reeled off her vitals. Apparently she'd hit her head on the window and then the steering wheel when the airbag failed to deploy and they were worried about head trauma.

She had a nasty cut on her head but Caroline was more concerned with her breathing.

“Decreased breath sounds on the right-hand side. She needs a chest x-ray, and call CT! Tell them we're coming down shortly.”

The radiology tech wheeled in the portable machine and everyone stepped out. When he was done, she headed back in and listened to her chest again. 

“I don't like the sound of that. We need to get to CT, I think she has a collapsed lung.”

“Shall I page surgery?” Malcolm asked and she shook her head.

“Wait till we get back from CT. We'll know more then.”

Caroline reviewed the scans and her x-rays. “Definite rib fracture on the right side and … yep, that's a pneumothorax. She needs a chest tube, pass me the tray?”

She prepared the area and Malcolm hastily draped the patient before she made her first incision.

“Come on, come on.” she said, struggling with the tube before it went in. “There, it's in. How are her vitals.”

“BP's holding steady.”

“Great, page surgery for a consult.”

She pulled her gloves off and tossed them in the bin.

“I need a breather, let me know if anything changes.”

She walked out and almost straight into Dr. Cannick.

“Sorry, I didn't see you there.”

“Nice catch in there, Dr. Grey. You probably saved that woman's life.” he smiled and walked away.

“Thanks?”

* * *

She decided to check in on Kiran and Mr. Fields.

“How are you doing in here?” 

“Not good. He has a haematoma on the left side of his brain. No response to external stimuli, no apparent brain activity. We've got hold of his next of kin. A sister. She's coming in.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I hate this part.”

* * *

Her patient was taken up for surgery to repair her collapsed lung and Caroline headed back to the desk. There were always more patients in the pit.

She handed her charts off to Sierra who passed over a couple of new ones with a smile. A young woman, maybe in her early twenties, came in and rushed up to the desk. 

“I'm looking for my brother, I was told he was brought here?”

“What's your brother's name?” Sierra asked, pulling up admissions on the computer.

“Erik. Erik Fields.”

“Kat, go fetch Dr. Yavuz?” Sierra asked Katrina. “Tell him Mr. Fields' sister is here.”

“Ma'am, if you take a seat his doctor will be out shortly.”

“Just … is he alive? Can you tell me that at least?”

“I'm sorry, I don't have any information, but the doctor will be right with you.”

She took a seat reluctantly, twisting her scarf over and over in her hands in her anxiety.

Kiran came up behind Caroline and asked “Is that her?”

“Yep. You okay? You look a little green.”

“I haven't had to do this by myself yet.”

“Talk to the family?”

“About brain death and organ donation? No.”

He paused.

“Would you come with me? I can do the talking, but I think I might throw up so backup would be good.”

“Sure. Just, please don't actually throw up.”

He tried to smile but it was a little wobbly. They went over to the girl and Kiran took the seat next to her, Caroline standing behind him.

“Miss. Fields? I'm Doctor Yavuz and this is Dr. Grey.”

“Yes? How is my brother? Is he okay?”

“Miss. Fields … I'm very sorry. Your brother came in here with severe trauma. He has extensive brain damage and he isn't going to get better. He's on a respirator, but right now the machine is breathing for him.”

She silently started to cry. “Our mother, she died last year. Our father died six years ago. We have a half-sister in California but she doesn't really keep in touch. He's my family. How can he just be … gone?”

“I'm so sorry.” Kiran repeated, and his voice wobbled. He looked up at Caroline pleadingly and she nodded, resigned. She took Kiran's place and he hurried off, hand over his mouth.

“I'm so very sorry for your loss.” She said, reaching out and taking her hand. She gripped on tightly, clearly trying to reign in her grief. 

“There's definitely no chance he could wake up?” she asked in a small voice, sounding lost.

“I'm afraid not. The trauma to his brain is too severe. We have to conduct more tests but he has every appearance of brain death.”

“We had a younger sister. She was born with heart problems. When she was a teenager they said she needed a transplant. She was on the list for months and she died, still waiting. We all registered as organ donors, Erik even organised a registry drive and blood drive at college. I know he is a registered donor.”

She took a deep breath.

“You need my consent, right? To use his … organs? Because I'm next of kin?”

“Yes.” Caroline regarded her steadily. “It is your decision, regardless of what his license says. As next of kin, you have the right to say no, if that's what you want.”

She shook her head. “He always said he wanted to … if I ever had to choose, he wanted to.” She started crying again. “It's just hard.”

“I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have to make this decision. We'll give you some time to think about it. If you decide to go forward, speak to Sierra at the main desk and she can page our transplant coordinator or one of his team down to talk to you, okay?”

“Okay, thank you. Can I see him?”

“Sure. I'll have a nurse escort you down.” She waved Katrina over and she took her to see her brother.

She and Kiran walked back into the pit and as soon as they were out of sight she turned and punched him in the arm, hard.

“Ow!” He rubbed his arm. “What was that for?”

“I was only supposed to be moral support!”

“I'm sorry, I just couldn't!”

“It's part of the job, Kiran. You need to learn.” She huffed. “Don't put me in that position again.”

* * *

A couple of hours later she was cleaning out a head laceration in the curtain area when Dr. Gillies walked in and headed over to her, Kiran on his heels.

“I wasn't expecting to steal you back so soon, but circumstances being what they are … Dr. Yavuz will take over here.”

“Okay …?” she said, confused, pulling off her gloves and following him into the hallway.

“What's going on, Dr. Gillies?”

“I understand you talked to a Miss. Fields about donating her brother's organs earlier?”

“In a way.” she allowed. “Did she decide to go ahead?”

“Yes, so I hope you're prepared.”

“For?”

“Well, what have I been teaching you for the past month? You're going to do the harvest, unless you have something more pressing to do?” he looked at her knowingly and she stared back, speechless and wide-eyed.

“Come on. Time's wasting.”

Wordlessly, she followed him to the lift.

* * *

Feeling high as a kite Caroline went to track down Meredith, George sending her to the benches outside where she found Meredith talking to Cristina.

“Today has been a perfect day.” she said, sounding awed. “My contractor called to say they're finally done, so I can move back home – no offence Mere, but I miss my bed – the ER attending specifically requests me, I get to actually help people; I delivered a baby, I saved a life and then I got to be lead surgeon on an organ procurement and my mentor of sorts tells me I have the potential to be a great surgeon. Could this day be any better? I don't think so.”

Cristina and Meredith exchanged a look, Meredith amused and affectionate and Cristina just amused. 

“You get that we hate you, right?” 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/26736570008/in/photostream/)

She dropped down on to the bench next to Cristina, still looking dazed.  
“I don't even care, Cristina! Today was _awesome!_ ”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/155617395@N08/40608298661/in/photostream/)

* * *

Caroline practically skipped back into the pit, still a little high on adrenaline from her surgery. She frowned when she noticed Mr. Richter was still sat in curtain two. She headed to the admit desk and leaned over it to talk to Sierra.

“You're back!” 

“Yep. Mr. Richter's still here? I thought Evergreen were sending someone to pick him up?”

“They can't get here till five, but he's calm enough.”

They looked over at the elderly man, bopping his head to the big band music and tapping his foot in time.

“I'll go see if he needs anything.” Caroline said, straightening up. “Until five?” She shook her head in disbelief, guiltily glad her mother was in a different facility but feeling bad for Mr. Richter.

“How are you doing Mr. Richter, can we get you anything?”

They'd gathered that he didn't talk much, if at all, but he usually responded to direct questions. He looked up at her and grinned, as if he knew her.

“Rosie!”

“Um ...” She wasn't entirely sure how to react when he took her hand and pulled her in to dance, looking helplessly over his shoulder at Sierra who just grinned and waved at her. Deciding to just go along with it she let him dance her around until the end of the song and then stepped back a little.

“Thank you for the dance,” she said with a sweet smile for her partner. “But I think I need to sit the next one out.” she said, patting his arm.

She turned away from the curtain area, a smile on her face, to see Alex leaning on the admit desk watching and laughing at her. 

“What?” she asked, feeling a little defensive.

“Nothing! Just, you seem to be having more fun down here than I am.” 

“What's wrong?” she asked, pulling her latest charts over to update.

“My patient, she's an Orthodox Jew and she won't agree to a porcine valve replacement. She wants us to find an alternative. Don't suppose you know anything to help?” He asked, not really expecting her to, but she hummed in thought while completing her chart. 

“Actually ... I was reading a journal article a couple of weeks ago published by the Cleveland Clinic about work they've been doing with bovine valve replacements … Dr. Cherry? No ... Chesney? Something like that. You can probably access the journal online, see if it's a viable option for your patient.”

She paused. “Though ... I thought it was Jewish law that they could disregard any of the rules to save their life?”

“Devo _really_ likes her rules. I don't think she would consider it. Thanks, I'll look into it right now. I owe you one.”

She hummed her agreement. He started to walk away when Caroline's confused voice stopped him.

“Wait. Devo? Like the eighties group? They did the song with the funny hats … Whip it?”

“Apparently her parents are fans.”

“Huh. Apparently.”

* * *

Her next case was a man brought in after taking a fall while rock-climbing. He had some kind of creeping paralysis so she paged for a Neuro consult and Shepherd came down. He confirmed Mr Taylor was a surgical case and Meredith came down to take him for an MRI.

Caroline just got back to the desk and was reaching for another chart when an angry woman marched over to the desk.

“My son has been waiting for two hours!” 

She exchanged a look with Sierra who wheeled her chair over next to Caroline and pulled out the right chart. “Exam two is open.” she said, handing it off.

“Okay, Mrs ...”

“Warren. My son, Evan.” she said, moving to one side to show the little boy clinging to her jacket with a tear-stained face. “He cut his hand playing in the garage. I just took my eyes of him for one second!”

“Mrs. Warren, let's get you and Evan into an exam room and we'll get him fixed right up, okay?” she smiled down at the little boy who turned his face into his mother's side and peeped out at her.

He climbed up on the bed, refusing his mother's help and she wheeled a stool and rolling table over.

“Let's have a look.” she said, pulling away the cloth wrapped around his hand and rested it on the table.

“Are you a doctor?” he asked her, turning curious eyes up to her face. 

“Yes, I am. It says so, right here, see? Dr. Grey.” she pointed to where her name was stitched on her lab coat. “Did you hurt yourself anywhere else, or is it just your hand?”

“No. My hand hurts. Do I have to get a shot?” he asked. “I don't like shots.”

“Oh, sweetie. I'll tell you a secret, okay? Nobody likes shots, not even doctors. Sometimes you have to have them though, to make sure you don't get sick.”

She cleaned his hand up and he definitely needed stitches. His mom excused herself to go finish filling in his paperwork.

“My mom's mad at me.” he said sadly. “She yelled a lot.” 

She looked briefly up at him. “Sometimes, when grown ups get scared, they yell. Your mom was probably just scared for you. Were you doing something you weren't supposed to?”

He shifted guiltily but didn't say anything. She numbed his hand and pulled over a suture kit.

“Don't watch. This might feel a bit weird, okay? But it shouldn't hurt.” Wishing his mother had stayed in the room to distract him, she asked, “Do you have a best friend?”

“Yeah.” he said, looking out the window, “His name's Noah. He sits next to me at school.”

“That was lucky, getting to sit with your best friend.”

“Yeah.”

“My best friend's called Casey. We used to sit together in class too.”

“At doctor school?”

She giggled at that. “No, at college. The school before doctor school.”

“Is she a doctor too?”

“No, she's a teacher.”

“I like my teacher. She's called Mrs. Milton and she reads us Harry Potter at story time.”

“Oh yeah? Do you like Harry Potter?”

“It's okay. I wish I had lots of older brothers, like Ron and Ginny. They have five older brothers!”

“Really, five? Goodness, that's a lot. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“I have a little sister, but she's a _baby._ She doesn't do anything. She cries really loud.”

“Babies do that. She'll grow up soon and you can play with her when she's a bit older.”

“Mrs. Gregory needs an MRI.” Kiran said, leaning his head round the door. She didn't look away from her stitching.

“So take her for one?” 

“See, I would, but uh, Darren's the tech on today and we …”

“You … what?” She looked up and he gave Evan an uncomfortable look. She rolled her eyes.

She finished up the stitches and wrapped his hand. “Okay kid, it's your lucky day. Your tetanus shots are up to date so you don't need another one. You're done. Let's go find your mom.”

She dropped him off with his much calmer mother and gave them some after care instructions before heading back to Kiran.

“Okay, spill. Why can't you go to MRI?”

“Darren and I had a thing and it ended badly, okay?”

“This is why I don't date people from work.”

“We didn't exactly date ...”

“Is _everyone_ at this hospital sleeping around?”

“Not everyone.” he sang cheerily back. “Apparently you aren't getting any. Maybe you should consider it? That Karev's pretty cute?”

“First of all, no. Second of all, no. Thirdly … when would I have the time to date? And finally, Karev, really? Despite what Harry told Sally, men and women _can_ just be friends.”

“Friends with benef ...” he started, grinning at her and she cut him off.

“Finish that sentence and you can take your own patient to MRI.”

* * *

“I'll lighten up when I … feel light!” Meredith called down the corridor at Derek's retreating back, just as Caroline walked round the corner, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, never mind!” Meredith snapped, exasperated.

“Er, you sure told him. Are you done with the MRI?” 

“Oh ... yeah. Sorry.” She looked through the viewing window to see that the orderly and the nurses had already moved Mr. Walker.

“Everything okay?” Caroline asked, concerned.

“Everything's fine, except ...” she trailed off.

“What?”

“He won't tell me _anything._ Not one little thing about himself. Is that weird?”

“Kinda. How much have you told him about your life?”

“Enough. More than I know about him anyway. I started thinking about it and I know very little about him and if we start making this a _thing_ , shouldn't I know more? And then I just couldn't let it go.”

“Are you pestering him?” Caroline asked, amused. “You're like a dog with a bone, sometimes.” She shook her head and held a finger up at Katrina who was wheeling their patient into the MRI room to show she'd only be a minute. “He's probably avoiding answering now just to irritate you.”

Meredith raised an eyebrow at her. “Really?” she asked, dryly.

“Come on! That's totally what I'd do.”

“Yes, but you're my sister. It's your job to be irritating.”

“Don't forget awesome. It is my job to be irritating _and awesome._ And usually right. Sorry.” she smirked, not looking particularly sorry and Meredith fought the urge to stomp her foot like a teenager.

“Dammit. So what do I do? Let it go?”

“Depends. Do you think he's genuinely hiding something, or just, not a fan of the small-talk part of getting to know one another?”

“I don't know!” she almost whined. “He said I should be flexible, see what happens. That I know more about him than most.” 

“Maybe you do. Maybe he just wants to leave his past where it is. I get that. It's up to you, sis. If it really bothers you, keep asking.”

Meredith just nodded, thoughtful. “I better go, I'll talk to you later?”

Caroline waved her off, focus switched to her patient as she hit the intercom button.

“Okay, are we all ready in there? This might be a bit loud Mrs. Gregory, but speak up if you feel uncomfortable, we can hear you in here.”

* * *

Caroline was just heading out to pick up some take-out for dinner when she bumped into Elena, one of the nurses from the SICU.

“Oh, hey Elena. Are you missing me upstairs?” she asked impishly and Elena humored her with a smile. 

“Of course. How could we not?” the older woman answered in a wry tone.

“Are you just starting your shift?” Caroline asked, glancing at her watch in confusion. 

“Not for another half hour or so, do you have a few minutes? I wanted to ask you a favor.”

“I'm on my way out to the diner, but you're more than welcome to join?”

“Sure, let's go.”

As they walked they traded small talk, Caroline wondering what she could possibly want from her.

When they got to the diner, Care placed her take-out order and asked for a strawberry milkshake while they were waiting. Elena ordered a coffee and they settled in a booth.

“No need to look so nervous,” Elena teased, “I'm not asking for money, your first born or a kidney ... it's just a little thing really.”

“If I can help you with something, I will.” 

She smiled at the waitress who brought their drinks over and she twirled the straw in her milkshake as Elena added sugar to her coffee and stirred it in, clearly considering her words carefully.

“My daughter, Mia, I think I've mentioned her to you before?” At Caroline's nod, she continued. “She graduates medical school this year and she's considering a surgical residency, but she doesn't really have anyone impartial to discuss her options with or to help her figure out the match process. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind talking to her about it?”

“Not at all!” she smiled, relieved it wasn't something awful, like speaking to Dr. West. “Except, does she know you're asking me this? I wouldn't want to call her out of the blue – that could be awkward.” She smiled at Elena who chuckled.

“I mentioned I would speak to you, yes. She's looking at programs all over the country and I think she's a bit overwhelmed at all the options.”

“It can seem a bit daunting. I know when I was looking I think I went to twelve interviews, visiting different residency programs and interrogating the residents who were already there. It seemed like the most important decision I would ever make at the time. Scary stuff.”

“So you'll speak to her?”

“Sure. I can give you my cell number and my email to pass on. I'm off at six, so if she wants to call me after, say, seven? I should be at home by then.”

“Thank you. I trust you not to sugar-coat anything. I don't think she's prepared for the reality of surgical residency.”

“Who ever is?” Caroline snorted. “I don't know if you really can be, but I'll definitely make sure she knows what she's getting into.”

* * *

Mia turned out to be a lovely down-to-earth girl, a lot like her mother.

She knew she wanted surgery but she was considering both Neuro and Peds specialized residencies as opposed to general surgery.

Caroline explained to her how she had narrowed down potential residency programs.

“A big thing I was looking at was if women found it easy to progress. Surgery, particularly Neuro and Cardio, are still very much male-dominated. It always bothered me that there were so few female surgeons to take as role models. I was really lucky with the resident I was assigned to as an intern, she's definitely someone I hope to emulate.”

“I did notice that – there's so few programs run by women!”

“I know, I went on twelve different interviews and I think of those, only two were led by women. If you're looking at Peds programs specifically, Miami has a good program and San Francisco does too – I'll email you the details, I'll have to look it out first. Neuro, well, Seattle Grace has Derek Shepherd, but it depends if seeing your Mom all the time is a positive or a negative for you.”

They both laughed at that. “She wants me to come back closer to home. She was so proud when I got into Columbia, but I know she worries.”

“She cares. That's not a bad thing. Just don't base your choice too much on what other people want. It's the next five to seven years of your life and it's important to figure out what's best for _you_.”

“I do really like New York. There's a good neo-natal program here but the general surgery part isn't particularly well thought of.”

“I think I interviewed there – New York Presbyterian, right?”

“Yeah, Dr Montgomery-Shepherd is supposed to be the best.”

Caroline froze. No. No, no, no. 

“I'm sorry, Mia, I need to go.”

“That's okay, thanks for talking to me anyway. I'll think about it some more. Do you mind if I email you if I have any more questions?”

“Of course not, just don't worry if it takes me a day or two to respond. It can get a bit crazy around here.”

The second she was off the phone she logged on to the internet and searched for Dr. Montgomery Shepherd.

One of the first hits was an article about the surgical power couple accompanied by a picture with the tagline _'Renowned neo-natal surgeon, Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd and her husband, Neurosurgeon Dr. Derek Shepherd shown here working together at New York Presbyterian.'_

A picture she'd seen before, framed in her office. So _that's_ where she recognized Derek from.

Oh god. _Meredith._

* * *

Meredith was sat on the small sofa in Derek's trailer, looking out at the trees and marveling at all the green. She'd always been a city girl and nature wasn't exactly her thing, but it was definitely beautiful. Her phone rang and Caroline's name popped up on the caller ID. She answered with a smile on her face that she was sure Caroline would hear in her voice.

“You know how when you were a kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.”

“Mere ...”

“At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after. Just that it's happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away.”

“Mere … I need to tell you something ...”

“He just showed me part of his life, Care. Just … opened up. He owns this land, and he lives in a trailer in the woods, it's all very … green. He asked me to take the rest on faith, I think I can do that. I think this is _my_ perfect day. Or at least a perfect moment.”

“Oh.”

“You wanted to tell me something?”

“Uh, no. You know what? It's probably nothing. I'll tell you later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You should enjoy your perfect moment while you have it. It'll keep.”

“Okay.” She heard Derek's car pull up outside. “I'll talk to you later, Care. I need to go.”

“Okay. Love you, Mere.”

“Love you too.”

She hung up the phone and smiled up at Derek as he let himself back into the trailer, a bottle of wine in his arm and take-out bags in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously I don't own Grey's Anatomy - or anything else you recognise. Just wanted to have a play in Shonda's sandbox :)
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing, well, anything really so please be kind! Constructive criticism and letting me know of any errors is always welcome though as I don't have a beta.
> 
> I haven't watched Grey's past season nine and am not sure if I will, but up until then I will be following canon fairly closely, except where I don't want to! Let's see if I get that far!


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